So you had a bad day....

Given that it is a Tuesday, I really shouldn't be so surprised to find myself with a bad day. I mean, it's Tuesday! We all know my history with that.

Tuesday's Stats:

6 flies in the house today
2 sick babies
8 mosquito bites resulting from 20 minutes in yard
3 temper tantrums from Piglet
4 bands of thundering pouring hurricane rain
2.5 hours overnight that Little Piggie spent crying
1 meal that I forgot to eat today
3 viewings of the horrific Bob the Builder Roads and Bridges video ("Chaktor Wi-yo")
4 days with in-laws just completed
1 case of tennis elbow
1 wild dog with cabin fever who came in the new house with muddy feet
1 muscle on 3rd week of spasm in neck

Then I had parent orientation at Piglet's new preschool (boy, is it weird not to have to be the teacher at that thing!). I was trying not to look like a disaster when I went, as it is a chance to meet new people and all, so I quickly polished my toenails before I left, double rolling my jeans to keep the polish off of pants. I even put make up on! Then to thwart these careful beauty efforts, I leaped out of my car rather eagerly (I saw a girl about my age headed in and I have a problem in which I can't help but talk to strangers who could potentially be my friend), forgetting that my pants were rolled to my knees and said hi. Then like a dork I had to awkwardly pause in the parking lot to unroll my pants. After the orientation, I got back in my car only to notice copious amounts of baby puke on the shoulder of my black shirt. TRAIN WRECK!

TGI - almost - W.

"Chacktors! Man working! Shoveling....dirt! Ooooooh!"

Having a fence built in the yard: $3000
Having Piglet entertained for 2 hours: priceless

Piglet's experience:



My experience:



Gus's experience:

The moving box that made me laugh:

I think Elmo must have creeped out one of the packers.

Scorpions, altitudes and diggie machines, oh my.

Well, I'm still here and things are going pretty well. I remember when Piglet was born I was shocked at how much longer it took to get anywhere once you packed the diaper bag, stroller, got barfed on, changed clothes, etc. Now I find myself beyond shocked....we'll go flabbergasted at how long it takes with two kids and a bus. Yet, I must go somewhere everyday or I will go completely insane.

Yesterday was a Target run. I made the grand discovery that Little Piggie likes to ride in a Bjorn, which I just got back yesterday from a friend here who was borrowing it. This is fabulous because it means that Piglet can ride in the cart with a seat belt (he stands in carts) as opposed to loose in the back of the cart, or vice versa with Little Piggie's carseat taking up the whole back of the cart and no place to put the goods. Piggie snoozed the whole way in the Bjorn and was happy as a lark. Oh, and? Today I went all the way to a Lowe's and back AND explored a really nice shopping area without using my GPS once! Hallelujah! I must admit I do miss the predictable reassurance of the grid system planned roads of Dallas. Never once did I get lost there. Oh, and Mexican food. I miss that too.

Some updates around here. #1, the most important, as we speak, erm....type, the Fence Guy just showed up with his Diggie Machine (which is going to send Piglet into fits of ecstacy when he wakes up) and went to get Materials for the fence. We could have a happy Gus by the weekend if all goes well. I have high hopes.

#2, perhaps the most alarming, was that Mike found a scorpion in our bedroom last night. That's right....a scorpion in our bedroom. We managed to live in Texas for six years and never see a scorpion, but we live in Georgia for one week and find one right smack in our sleeping quarters. I can't begin to describe the bug dreams which promptly ensued. Exterminator can't come until next Friday. Sigh.

Now the double whammy: #3 is that Piglet woke up sick this morning (are you KIDDING me?) with a cold and on top of that? My inlaws come tomorrow for the weekend. Enough said there. Pow, punch! Right in the gut.

My final thought, #4, is just an interesting observation. My neighborhood has such steep massive hills that your ears pop while driving out to the main road. For real. If there's an ice storm, we ain't goin' nowhere. Now I must go feed Piggie before the Fence Guy comes back and sees far more than he bargained for. Ta!

Day One Alone, Thus Far

As the dog snores on the chair beside me, I will try to keep my heavy eyes open to report on my first day alone with two babies as it as transpired thus far. It is only 2:15, so there's no telling what could happen next.

3:20am Little Piggie wakes, eats, returns to bed.

6:53 LP wakes, eats again

7:20 Piglet is still snoozing, so I plop LP in the bouncy chair and hop into the shower.

7:45 Bright-eyed and bushy-tailed, I'm ready to go. Begin gathering laundry. Am feeling superior and efficient.

7:47 Open laundry room door to deposit laundry and get Gus to go out. Am greeted by stench. Upon further examination, find dog vomit, two piles, on floor. Gag a little. Clean up puke.

7:50 On back patio with pajama-clad baby and dog on leash. Monitor hooked on pocket. Am Super Mom. Dog pees. Wave at neighbor. Feel warmth on arm. Baby has pooped out diaper leg, through pjs and onto my arm.

7:55 Feed dog, change baby, throw pjs in wash. Crinkle nose at lingering laundry room stench. You'd think that puke smell would be gone by now.

8:00 Dog has been fed, now desires to poop. Wants back out. Repeat process with dog poo this time. Piglet's voice heard through monitor. He's up and wants out.

8:10 Dog in, LP dressed. Get Piglet up, changed and dressed with baby lying on his bed. Baby cries, he is tired. Piglet and I put him to bed. In these few minutes, Piglet manages to break the nightlight and find daddy's drill battery and try to plug it into the wall.

8:20 Piglet drinks juice and opens all the blinds, then closes them again while I start coffee and breakfast. He goes through 4 cabinets and does a puzzle.

8:30 We sit down to breakfast. I inhale mine while he takes 49 hours to eat oatmeal and some bananas. (His meal choice) Now he wants pretzels. He wants coffee. He calls my coffee beer. He does not want to wear a bib. His bedhead makes him look like Spencer Pratt. I leave him to his oatmeal and go to prepare the diaper bag for our doctor's appt at 10:30.

8:50 Gagging over the diaper bag, I have discovered the source of the putrid stench in laundry room. Saturday night, we went out to dinner and Piglet's sippy cup leaked milk all over his cooler. Turns out, it also went all over the diaper bag. FLIES swarmed out of the bag when I picked it up. Could we be more foul? Begin to scour bag and everything in it. Piglet still chugging through oatmeal.

9:05 Begin new load of laundry for nasty diaper bag and contents. Did you know rotten milk turns things brown? True story.

9:15 Clean up Piglet and turn him loose. Go upstairs to get babies' laundry and toss over rail to Piglet who likes to put clothes in basket. He gets busy while I check on LP.

9:20 LP is awake. I get him up and come downstairs. Piglet is scrubbing his face. "Wash! Wash!" he cries. It appears that daddy has mistaken hamper for trash and tossed a poopy diaper wipe in with Piglet's clothes. He is now cleaning his face with said wipe.

9:30 Piglet is crying over the loss of his cloth. He likes to wash things. He misses it. I sit down to feed LP because we have to leave by 10 to get to dr by 10:30. Have added in time for loading/unloading babies and getting lost. Piglet watches Elmo.

10:00 Leave house with new diaper bag, two babies, purse, and keys. Load babies and bus (double stroller) into the car. Am Super Mom again. Smile. Drive out of neighborhood with GPS locating satellites. Feeling confident, I turn the wrong way out of my neighborhood. Am suddenly in the country surrounded by kudzu. "Recalculating" my GPS sneers in her annoyed voice. I turn around.

10:25 Pull into parking deck at dr's office. Hate parking decks. Drive in circles hunting for bus-friendly parking that does not involve stairs. Throw babies into stroller and careen through deck, now late. Nearly lose control of bus going down hill. Am late.

The rest of the morning consisted of an hour long appointment for which Piglet had to sit in stroller whining, two shots for LP, and a long whiny trip home. Lunch concluded with nap, where Piglet remains hopefully for at least another 15 minutes. Fed LP again and put him down for nap too. Am enjoying couch, but I know if I close my eyes one of them is sure to wake up.

This concludes my first morning alone. If you don't hear from me for a few days, send in back up. Disregard all typos, no time to reread.

The Peach State

We're here! We're here! We've been unpacking since Tuesday and chasing Piglet all over creation every moment of that time. Until we got the baby gates located and affixed at the bottom of the stairs, it was a challenge for four capable adults to keep up with him. We don't have a fence yet, so Gus is greatly vexed at the humiliation of being taken out on a leash to do his business and has subsequently refused to poop on the leash. Tough life.

Little Piggie has been doing well as he doesn't really seem to know the difference as long as he gets to eat every few hours. Piglet's big news is that his big boy furniture was delivered after we got here. He is hot stuff with his big bed and his truck sheets. Aside from that development, his favorite things about the new house are the flyswatter and ("fy-shwatter) the little boys on swings next door ("Boys! Winging! Boys! Winging!) The Georgia mosquitoes love his sweet soft skin and he's covered in bites at which he claws ("Ish! Ish!")

I'm pooped as I'm about to enter my first week with two babies and no help. If I don't surface for several days, please send in reinforcements. So far, the only advice I've gotten is to make sure to put the toddler in the carseat before the infant. Check.

Hi Folks,

Me Gus here. Y'all would not believe the conditions I'm living under. In fact, I write to you from beneath mom's bed as we speak.

Why am I hiding under the bed, you ask? I am a wanted man - er, dog. That kid? Piglet? He stalks me every hour that he is awake. (Specifically, from 7:30am-1pm, then 3pm-7:15pm) I know these times in such excruciating detail because those are the times that I am no longer able to sleep unless I escape to outdoors where it is over 100 degrees. Y'all ever felt 100 degrees on black fur? It is FO REAL hot, I tell ya. But at least I can be alone.

So this kid. He's learned to climb up on my furniture and follows me from couch to chair to chair until I give up and let him "love" on me. You know what that involves, people? DO YOU? He thinks I'm a chair! He backs his little self up to me aiming his be-diapered hindquarters right at my ribcage! That kid weighs 27 pounds! You know what I weigh? 27 pounds! That's like having myself sit on....myself. Some love.

And then? He's got this set of tools. You know, hammer, screwdriver, pliers, wrench, the works. He likes to work on the underside of his trains and trucks when they're turned on their sides. Well. The other day? I snuck off to a couch where I thought he couldn't see me? I was exhausted. Just plum exhausted, I tell you. I flopped over and passed out quick as a wink. Next thing I know that kid's got his tools down in my undercarriage trying to fix me! Outrageous. "Fix Gus! Fix Gussie!" he says.

In the middle of all this torture, he's learned a whole mess of words. He's got the nerve to tell me no. ME! Like I ever do anything wrong. It doesn't stop at "no" and "Gus" though. He likes to practice his body parts. Guess how. That's right, on me. Gussie's eyes! (jab) Gussie's ear! (tug) Gussie's nose! (poke) Incidentally, did you know that the index finger of a 22 month old boy can fit snugly into a beagle's nose? Harumph. He struts around this house in his new cowboy boots like he owns this joint.

Finally, I have to report that mom and dad brought home another kid. I honestly haven't even had time to notice him because Piglet won't give me two minutes to myself to even check him out. All I know is he squawks a lot, but he leaves me alone so I'm okay with him. Sometimes I sneak into his room to escape. Did you know dogs can tiptoe? It's a new skill I've picked up lately.

Well, I've used up about half an hour of Piglet's sleep time writing this, so I'd better go catch up on some shut eye. I'm trying to eavesdrop on mom and dad - I keep hearing them mention a move or a new house or something, but every time I try to listen I doze off. I'm too tired to even worry about it right now.

Good night.

Gus

Where ya been?

Ah, chaos. We're moving in week. A week! It seems like every time I have time to blog there's 14 or 15 things on my to do list that need my attention. I have a vast pile of random belongings piled on my dining room table that we are not allowed to move. Each time a friend comes over, they have to take at least two things with them. So, if anyone has the need for any opened food items, cleaning supplies or partially used shampoos/lotions/liquors, come on by and pay me a visit!

Piglet is a wild animal. While he's done a relatively good job adjusting to Little Piggie, he's taken this to be a time of, shall we say, experimentation with his limits. Mostly harmless stuff like standing on couches, doing whatever he's told "no" to, or continuously tormenting Gus. He's also quite taken with hitting and likes to unleash on the plants, the dog, the furniture, and once on Little Piggie's diaper. He's learning about time out and finds it terrifically funny unless you take Froggy away at which point it becomes terribly sad. Overall, he does like his little brother and regularly updates me on what he's doing. The most common update is "Mama! [Piggie] DY-ing!" (crying)

Little Piggie is doing well too. He's gaining weight, up to about ten pounds at six weeks, and is sleeping what I think is really well for his age. As of this week, he's only been waking once at night for a 4am feeding. He's just started smiling, which is a nice change from his usual grumpy demeanor. He's awfully stingy with his smiles, preferring instead to impersonate Walter Matthau instead.

So...here I am. Sitting in my den that's crowded with random pieces of furniture since we've had to order a new couch for the new house to replace the one that Gus had his way with once while we had the audacity to leave him whilst we vacationed last summer. The old couch is being reassigned to the basement in the new house. It will be Gus's basement paradise. Little Piggie is having his nightly wail. (He seems to enjoy a good cry off and on between the hours of 8 and 10pm before his long stretch of slumber which follows.) Piglet is conked out in his big boy bed to which he has become properly accustomed this summer.

My mind is spinning with plans and phone calls and things to do. I've arranged for a cleaning service to come do a "move in" cleaning on the new house. Normally, I don't believe in maids, but I'm kind of gakked out by the thought of cleaning someone else's potties and bathtubs. I need to arrange for a locksmith and call stupid Dish Network back on Friday to change our service to Georgia. When I tried to schedule a set up for Georgia a few weeks ago, the freaks switched my satellite to Eastern time and took away my local channels. The loon that I complained to told me that was the way is worked. Bunch of crackheads.

Okay, for someone who hasn't had time to blog in two weeks, I sure have managed to waste a good half hour here. I hope that helps with updates. Gus has been nagging me to get on the computer lately, so if he's good a post from him may be forthcoming.