Tuesday, August 19, 2008

Day One Alone, Thus Far

As the dog snores on the chair beside me, I will try to keep my heavy eyes open to report on my first day alone with two babies as it as transpired thus far. It is only 2:15, so there's no telling what could happen next.

3:20am Little Piggie wakes, eats, returns to bed.

6:53 LP wakes, eats again

7:20 Piglet is still snoozing, so I plop LP in the bouncy chair and hop into the shower.

7:45 Bright-eyed and bushy-tailed, I'm ready to go. Begin gathering laundry. Am feeling superior and efficient.

7:47 Open laundry room door to deposit laundry and get Gus to go out. Am greeted by stench. Upon further examination, find dog vomit, two piles, on floor. Gag a little. Clean up puke.

7:50 On back patio with pajama-clad baby and dog on leash. Monitor hooked on pocket. Am Super Mom. Dog pees. Wave at neighbor. Feel warmth on arm. Baby has pooped out diaper leg, through pjs and onto my arm.

7:55 Feed dog, change baby, throw pjs in wash. Crinkle nose at lingering laundry room stench. You'd think that puke smell would be gone by now.

8:00 Dog has been fed, now desires to poop. Wants back out. Repeat process with dog poo this time. Piglet's voice heard through monitor. He's up and wants out.

8:10 Dog in, LP dressed. Get Piglet up, changed and dressed with baby lying on his bed. Baby cries, he is tired. Piglet and I put him to bed. In these few minutes, Piglet manages to break the nightlight and find daddy's drill battery and try to plug it into the wall.

8:20 Piglet drinks juice and opens all the blinds, then closes them again while I start coffee and breakfast. He goes through 4 cabinets and does a puzzle.

8:30 We sit down to breakfast. I inhale mine while he takes 49 hours to eat oatmeal and some bananas. (His meal choice) Now he wants pretzels. He wants coffee. He calls my coffee beer. He does not want to wear a bib. His bedhead makes him look like Spencer Pratt. I leave him to his oatmeal and go to prepare the diaper bag for our doctor's appt at 10:30.

8:50 Gagging over the diaper bag, I have discovered the source of the putrid stench in laundry room. Saturday night, we went out to dinner and Piglet's sippy cup leaked milk all over his cooler. Turns out, it also went all over the diaper bag. FLIES swarmed out of the bag when I picked it up. Could we be more foul? Begin to scour bag and everything in it. Piglet still chugging through oatmeal.

9:05 Begin new load of laundry for nasty diaper bag and contents. Did you know rotten milk turns things brown? True story.

9:15 Clean up Piglet and turn him loose. Go upstairs to get babies' laundry and toss over rail to Piglet who likes to put clothes in basket. He gets busy while I check on LP.

9:20 LP is awake. I get him up and come downstairs. Piglet is scrubbing his face. "Wash! Wash!" he cries. It appears that daddy has mistaken hamper for trash and tossed a poopy diaper wipe in with Piglet's clothes. He is now cleaning his face with said wipe.

9:30 Piglet is crying over the loss of his cloth. He likes to wash things. He misses it. I sit down to feed LP because we have to leave by 10 to get to dr by 10:30. Have added in time for loading/unloading babies and getting lost. Piglet watches Elmo.

10:00 Leave house with new diaper bag, two babies, purse, and keys. Load babies and bus (double stroller) into the car. Am Super Mom again. Smile. Drive out of neighborhood with GPS locating satellites. Feeling confident, I turn the wrong way out of my neighborhood. Am suddenly in the country surrounded by kudzu. "Recalculating" my GPS sneers in her annoyed voice. I turn around.

10:25 Pull into parking deck at dr's office. Hate parking decks. Drive in circles hunting for bus-friendly parking that does not involve stairs. Throw babies into stroller and careen through deck, now late. Nearly lose control of bus going down hill. Am late.

The rest of the morning consisted of an hour long appointment for which Piglet had to sit in stroller whining, two shots for LP, and a long whiny trip home. Lunch concluded with nap, where Piglet remains hopefully for at least another 15 minutes. Fed LP again and put him down for nap too. Am enjoying couch, but I know if I close my eyes one of them is sure to wake up.

This concludes my first morning alone. If you don't hear from me for a few days, send in back up. Disregard all typos, no time to reread.

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