Wednesday, November 23, 2011

King Gus

Wanting an update on the Gus, are we? I'm so glad we've stuck to our roots around here. Let's see. The dog's most recent escapade involved the sixteen pound bag of dog food that I purchased last week and placed in a "safety zone" atop my dryer. [Relevant note: Gus weights approximately twenty-two pounds] Imagine my surprise when I arrived home from picking up the kids to find that Gus had pulled the (16 pound!) bag down from the dryer, dragged it into the family room, cleverly opened the bag and eaten his fill of it. He lay sprawled on the carpet, legs akimbo, tongue lolling from mouth as his tail lazily wagged as if to say, "I got your dryer. What else you got, Ace?" He's been on a strict diet for ten days now. He no longer looks as though he might burst at the seams.

His favorite delicacy of late is Crayola crayons. He does not discriminate based on color, wrapper or location. Any crayon will do. Our yard boasts the prettiest selection of dog poop of anyone's around. Children line up at the fence in hopes of catching sight of a rainbow nugget. I hear they are trading them on the school bus black market for silly bandz. Word on the street, for realz.

Finally, Gus has developed the same distaste for Pigpen that he held for Piglet back in the day. I found this old post written by Gus the last time this phenomenon occurred. Of late, he's taken it to a new level. Gus is an older, wiser beagle this time around, and he's become somewhat...jaded. His eyes narrow when a child approaches and he cringes slightly when a wee hand gets too close, wincing at the touch. He would never think of hurting one of my darling children, but he's definitely learned to communicate. Unfortunately, his primary form of communication is urine. When we moved here, I recall Gus dropping a deuce in Piglet's doorway after a particularly active day of pestering. But now? He's using Pigpen's bedroom like a litter box. The dog now pees in there at least once a week. Just in Pigpen's room. Which is upstairs. Where Gus never goes. The dog is smarter than people give him credit for.

I don't think Gus will ever surprise me. It does, however, anger me knowing that right now he is burrowed under the covers of my neatly made bed showing me who's boss. All of the furniture in the family room is occupied by people....the audacity of my family to sit upon his thrones. Clearly, Gus wears the pants around here. At least someone is wearing pants.

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