Thursday, March 17, 2011

I bet mine's cuter than yours.

Yesterday was not exactly what I would describe as a banner day, but I will confess that it was anything but boring. I had had this gnawing, nagging pain in my side since Monday. I blamed my stellar session on the ab machine until it didn't go away. Took self to doctor.

Doctor became most excited about something out of his routine and challenged himself to diagnose me before laying a hand on me. He was strangely chipper, but I rolled with it. His guess involved an ovulatory cyst on my left ovary. Lots of exclamation points. Diving in to prove himself right, he stopped to compliment my uterus. You read that right. My doctor told me I have a small uterus. It's cute, he said. We will henceforth refer to it as my Cuterus.

Long story short, he was right. I have a 5cm cyst that is "perfectly normal" and "makes him happy because my parts are working". Umkay. I guess that's why he gave me the Percocet.

So, following my appointment, I met a friend for lunch. As we were seated, I remembered that I had turned down a lunch invitation from a small group of people at this same place because I didn't want to go. I remembered at just that moment because the waitress seated us directly across the aisle from them. Um, hi. I'd like to order a plate of Awkward? With a side of Uncomfortable with Sheepish Sauce? Thanks.

They smiled and greeted me as though nothing was strange, but after lunch came over to give me a hug and to note that I was busted. But,'s the thing. Number one, I realized during lunch that the invitation I had turned down was for TODAY, not yesterday. I remember because it said to wear green. Therefore, I do not think I am busted in any way. Did I mention that this is Mr. Pigs' supervisor's wife? Yeah. Go me.

So, if that's not enough, my inlaws are coming this weekend, my bookclub is imploding because of various bouts of ineptitude on the part of people who are not me, and I can't see out of my left eye. Despite being told that it's fine, my brain is fine, everything's fine fine fine, I CAN'T SEE. This, to me, is not fine. I am returning to the neuro-opthamolagist on Wednesday. Perhaps he should take another gander at my brain. Everything from my left eye is completely cloudy and blurred, with or without contacts. I can't read a book, a computer screen, or see the TV. I just know my white cane is coming any day now.

On that cheery note, since my triple dose of ibuprofen has kicked in, I must go clean three bathrooms. RAWR.


Aims said...

Okay your "Cuterus"? That made me scream with laughter!!! Love it! But how oogy is that doctor? Do you think he has models of uteri all over his house? I'm a little skeeved by that. 

Pigs said...

I know, I can't decide if he's actually skeevy or just REALLY enthusiastic about his job. He's married and has two kids. I asked. Just to check.