Saturday, November 06, 2010


Clemson vs NC State game today. I like to harass Mr. Pigs when this game comes up every year by threatening to wear red and black in support of my college years. Going to a women's college renders one something of a free agent in the world of sports affiliations. In college, NC State was my go to team, but alas...I married Clemson. I have already digressed in the first paragraph! This cannot bode well for the remainder of this post.

The game, being one of the noon variety, means - in Clemson terms - that you are supposed to be parked, tailgating and beer drinking by 9am at the LATEST. Me, being of the realistic and practical variety, said HECK no and we rolled in at a shameful 10:15am. Mr. Pigs was publically flogged, and we quickly resumed normal activities. Somehow, the way we work things winds up being that the menfolk go to the game (insert Tim the Toolman grunts here) and us lady folk tend to the young 'uns.

I would be referring to the five (5) young 'uns ages 6, 4, 4, 2, and 1. The 6 year old and the 1 year old are of the sweet female persuasion and no trouble at all, but the three boys in the middle there are impressively noisy and rowdy, as boys are made to be. Before the menfolk ditched us for the game, we took the kids to watch the parade. It was Military Appreciation Day, but I'm pretty sure that Piglet and Pigpen were appreciating something else all together:

They were completely mesmerized and didn't move from that spot until all the pretty girls in tiny amounts of clothing has passed by. Once they shook off their stupor, we headed downtown, where it seemed like a good idea to take the kids out to lunch. This is where the story gets a little embarrassing and kind of awkward.

My friend and I were actively seeking an adult beverage in addition to our lunch (good for parenting), so we wheeled out two strollers plus three more kids up into a sports bar. Well, I'm pretty sure these folks hadn't seen kids in there in maybe, um, ever and we just rolled up with five. The guy at the door gaped openly and goes, "Are y'all gonna be drinking?" We smilled and said, "Yes, please" and he gave us both Over 21 bracelets with the name and number of a local DUI lawyer on them. I suppose he didn't feel the need to card us, with the strollers and baggage and all, but I have to say it was rather disappointing.

After unearthing their one (1) highchair and tucking us into a corner booth away from the students who were opening staring at us, several employees watched us like we were caged monkeys. I'm pretty sure they'd never seen kids dump salt shakers or throw food on the floor. I know for a fact they've never heard a four year old boy announce to the room that he had to go poo poo. And the girls in the bathroom with us had probably never heard a four year old boy detail his defecation experience through the stall door in and effort to keep me posted.

By the time we left, I felt like we were probably a walking PSA for the campus. Our exit would have only been appreciated more if we had thrown out a big handful of condoms into the room upon our departure. Our herd managed to make it back to the tailgate site after much dilly-dallying ("Come ON, Piglet!) and treasure hunting ("Quit picking up trash, Piglet!), and yelling ("Watch out for cars!!"). Both boys played hard and passed out on the way home.

For those who don't have kids, this is a recipe for disaster. A 5:00 nap will ruin any child's bedtime, but the one day you really don't want that to happen is the afternoon before the fall time change. While the rest of the world is enjoying their extra hour of sleep, children still wake up at their regular time. Therefore, for the rest of the week, what used to be a 7:30am wake up time will now take place at 6:30 in my house. So, instead of getting an extra hour of sleep, we will get an extra hour of day on Sunday, in which to entertain two boys, cranky from a lack of sleep. Does the irony kill you? Because I am extra amused.


Nicole said...

Dude? EXACT same car seats. Both of them.

Pigs said...

Ha ha! Great minds...

Meredith said...

After that entire post, I am left marveling at the malleability of a child's neck.  If I slept in the position your boys are in (especially Piglet) for even a power nap, I'd have neck pain for a week! 

Pigs said...

I know, I actually had to shove his head back while he was sleeping because it was making my neck hurt just looking at him.

katielady said...

Me too!