Garbage.

Hello, friends! Buddies! Pals! Imaginary blog friends? I come to you with a glass of Pinot Noir and a tired brain. Gus is staring at me with big brown puppy eyes that say, "Feed me? Please?" as though he's starving to death. I'm staring right back at him with my big brown unfeeling eyes that say, "Suck it, dog. You ate a whole box of Fiber One bars this morning. You'll be lucky if I feed you before Monday." He'd better be glad I got those for free or I'd really be hoppin' mad.

Piglet has lost his mind. I mean, truly, really absolutely lost it. He was perfectly angelic at school this morning, and relatively good during "quiet time" with the exception of the yelling, singing, and stomping about business. But as soon as he was released from QT, Lordhavemercy he turned into a lunatic. Not the fun kind, either. More of the temper tantrum, thrashy, disagreeable type. There was a great deal of patience (on my part), time out attempts (on my part) and being sent to his room to thrash about in private (on his part). Thank goodness we're the type of parents who turn the doorknob around backwards to keep the kid in place. (Please don't report me.)

Pigpen, on the other hand, is thus far unlikely to require this sort of barbarian treatment. Generally, if I just give him a mean face he will burst into tears and come to me for a hug. This is the kind of kid I can work with. Of course, he's only 16 months, so let's give him time before we make that statement too loosely. His high-maintenance behavior currently is climbing. As in, I helped Piglet get some blocks out and turned around to find Pigpen on top of a table, pointing to a train on the wall picture saying, "Dis? Dis?" Because it's normal just to climb up there and ask, I suppose. I've had to break out the seat belt in the high chair, which is brand-spanking clean on account of my arrogant response to it when Piglet was in the high chair of - "What kind of kid needs a harness in a high chair? Come on!" Ah, my friend karma. We meet again.

Hey, here's some fun news: Piglet has been peeing in the potty like a big man (read: standing up and peeing all over the floor) for a month or two now, but still stands firm in his opposition to pooping on the potty. Later, he says, soon! But not now. I've resorted to bribes. He gets to open a small (Target Dollar Spot) present when he poops in the potty. Three of them. Then, when it continues appropriately and I declare him Trained, he gets to do something special. What would you like to do, I ask?

A train ride? The bounce house? Pizza? Maybe a new toy? These ideas instantly flow into my very dense, adult brain.

He thinks. He ponders. There's even some mulling. After about five minutes, he has it. He wants me to take him to the landfill.

Pause.

I'm sorry, what? The landfill? You achieve something monumental and you want me to take you to the place where the garbage trucks deposit REFUSE? Seriously? He's serious. He's going to the landfill when he's Trained.

I told him I wasn't exactly sure where the landfill was, but he assured me that I could find out "on the computer." I didn't know if it was a place you could, um....visit, exactly. "You can do it, Mommy," he says.

Fantastic. Anyone want to join me on a fieldtrip?