Sunday, September 07, 2008

Awkward! (and moist)

Cough, hack, wheeze. Groan. I've had a temperature of 102-103 since Thursday. Drenching sweats that require 4 or so full outfit changes a day, chills so bad my hair follicles are sore from goosebumps, not good. Miiiiiiiiiserable. Have no doctor, went to urgent care. They declared me a carrier of the flu. Sorry, nothing we can do, you'll feel better in a couple days. Come back if you get worse!

Today, my temperature was climbing, climbing, even after the load of Tylenol in my system. Mr. Pigs sent me back up there. Thus began my afternoon of embarrassment. Though the Advil had been in my system nearly two hours, I was still shivering and relished in the afternoon sauna that was Mr. Pigs' car which was parked in the driveway. I arrived at the doctor's, checked in and sat. THEN my fever decided to break. Sweat came rushing down every part of me, soaking my shirt front and back, running down my legs, dripping from my nose. I daintily dabbed with a tissue and fanned with a magazine. I was drenched. The nurse behind the desk slid the window closed and watched me from behind the glass.

I sat that way for about half an hour while I waited my turn. When I was called back, I tried to apologize for my moist condition, but no one seemed to have either sympathy or a sense of humor. I asked for some paper towels. They sent me to pee in a cup. This was when I discovered my underwear (that's panties to you, Katie!) was drenched front and back. I got the pleasure of putting the sweat-soaked unkies back on and pulling my moist shorts up over them. Ew, ew, ew!

Back to the exam room, the doctor came in and was listening to my lungs. He twice had to wipe of his stethoscope due to my copious sweating. He also commented on my "freakin' huge glands!" and ordered a chest xray and a mono test. Good times. I had to remove (peel off) my bra for the xray but leave my shirt on. Bra was soaked. When I wrung it over the sink, water actually came out of it.

Walking to the xray room, I felt rather free and loose in my shirt. I stood still for my photo op and then it happened. I felt it coming and WHOOSH! My milk, confused by the bra being off and the loosey goosey nature of the shirt, let down and started pumping. Whooooaaa! I snatched my shirt away from my chest, trying to avoid milk boob circles. Milk began streaming down my stomach. I awkwardly asked the nurse for some paper towels - again. She looked at me like I was some kind of liquid-producing freak and handed me some towels. "Heh heh..." I attempted a laugh. Awkward, awkward and awkward again. We finished up and I had I had to put that nasty soaked bra back on.

Turns out? I have pneumonia. Don't ask me how, I have no idea. All I know is I've got a Z-pack and high hopes that I might feel a little better tomorrow.

**Postscript: I forgot to mention that the doctor? Was younger than I am and cute. Just in case that makes the embarrassing sweat anymore understandable.

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