Wednesday, November 21, 2007

'Tis the Season

I've never been a huge fan of Thanksgiving. It's just kind of a boring holiday between Halloween and Christmas that is an excuse to not go to work/school and to eat a lot. I'm all for the pilgrims and tradition - woo hoo! Go Pilgrims! - but I'm not feeling the holiday. It just reminds me of stomachaches and football, two things I don't really get excited about. Plus, I don't like stuffing and I detest pumpkin pie. It looks and smells like vomit.

This is the last year that the Pigs Family will be in Texas for this season, so we are going to do it up right. You know how? Chicken nuggets and macaroni and cheese! That's right, campers! Our two favorite parts of Thanksgiving - well, poultry, though it may not be a whole turkey - topped off with a pecan pie. (Waiter, there is too much pepper on my paprikash. But I would be proud to partake of your pecan pie.) Eddie informed me today that pecan pie has something like three times the calories of pumpkin. Well, hello! That's why it doesn't taste like vomit! Eddie, always such a calorie counter. (Snicker.)

So, Thanksgiving: just a speedbump on the road to Christmas. Speaking of Christmas. I am doing remarkably well shopping for some family members and remarkably poorly shopping for others. I have to have a clear and concise list of what I intend to buy for people before I can go shopping. I've never been good at just wandering around a mall and spotting random items for Uncle Bob. I think that's how people wind up with lousy gifts. Like those displays of pre-wrapped jobbers in the aisles of Macy's. I also have a problem with getting Christmas things for Christmas. Maybe it was the years of teaching and getting trinket after doodad after POC, but it doesn't interest me. You have to put it away until the next year and forget about it. Exception to this rule: hostess gifts or the like. Okay to go seasonal there.

Is it wrong that I'm probably not getting my child anything for Christmas? And that I didn't get him anything last year either? He's 14 months old. He doesn't know what Christmas is! We're going to be traveling the whole week, not even in his home, and he's going to get countless gifts from doting relatives. (Which he does not need - my house would look like Toys R Us if not for my carefully controlled playroom-with-gate toy quarantine area.) It just seems like a waste of money when he doesn't need anything and this is the last year I can possibly get away with it for the next sixty years or so. Right? Right? Tell me I'm right.

And? I'm not sure that this child would be visited by Santa Claus anyway, as he has taken great pleasure at whacking Gus on the head with various items to see what kind of noise they will make. Poor Gus. Poor, stupid, patient Gus just winces and looks at me with pleading eyes. Piglet's favorite sound? Remote control on dog knee. We instituted time out yesterday, which has yet to have any effect. Suggestions welcome. The dog may have a sketchy past, but he does not deserve abuse. He was here first and has been most tolerant.

Alas, this has turned into a classic Pigs Ramble covering several holidays and opinions when I just started out intending to ponder the joy that isn't Thanksgiving. Ah, well. Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night!

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