A Few Little Pigs

It was once noted on this blog that conversations between Mr. Pigs and myself remind people of something out of a TV show. A comedy, I hope they meant, not a drama. We seems to have our most fascinating conversations right before bed. A sample, from the other night:

Me: [stressing over amount of recorded shows to watch] I have a few too many shows to watch.

Mr. Pigs: A few?? Try a ton.

Me: You can't measure TV shows in tons. That's a weight.

Mr. Pigs: Well, it's not a few.

Me: Maybe not. A few is three.

Mr. Pigs: No it's not. A few is a handful. Like several.

Me: Several is also three.

Mr. Pigs: No, it can't be three or you'd say three.

Me: A couple is two.

Mr. Pigs: Agreed.

Me: A few is three.

Mr. Pigs: Maybe.

Me: And several is three too.

Mr. Pigs: I don't think so.

Etc, etc, etc. Any thoughts? It was a very serious conversation that I feel needs a conclusion. I think that a few has to be more that one, obviously, and I don't think it's two because that's a couple. Perhaps three to five. No more than five could be a few. But really even five would be relative to how many people/objects you're talking about. Like out of ten, five wouldn't be a few, it'd be half. But out of twenty, maybe five is a few. But I still feel like several should be three. That's all I have to say about that.