My first two items have to do with the ever-present loads of laundry in my life. I would estimate that I spend about 63% of my life doing laundry. Okay, so maybe it just feels like that when you have a child who barfs about as much as he breathes, but still.
Laundry is a very large part of my life. And I've gotten darn good at it. You know why? Oxiclean. The blue spray kind. The most amazing chemical substance known to reflux. It even gets out old stains that have already been through the dryer! Oxiclean gets out poop, boogers, pee, drool, spit up, prune barf, carrot hurl, spinach puke....you name it. Even blood! And if you want to see something cool, spray the blood and watch it turn white. It's almost as cool as when Libby Brewer and I put Lip Therapy in a glass of water and baking soda in 4th grade and the string of lip goo stood up. It's that cool.
Another way I've improved as a Laundry Lass has been in my sheer speed and dexterity. I'm often doing laundry with an 18 pound wriggling mass writhing in my left arm while I battle with clothes, detergent and washer settings. Though I got really skilled at the one-handed pour, I have since discovered dropps. Ah, dropps. Know what that stands for? Dissolvable, Ready-to-use, Organic, Premeasured Packets. That's right, baby! You just drop this bad boy in the washer and close the lid! The packet dissolves and Voila!! You have clean clothes. And? They're all earth friendly and stuff.
That's probably more than you ever wanted to know about my laundry habits, so I'll move onto my favorite thing: food. I'm not going to say much about them, but you cannot, cannot, cannot do a favorites list and not include Baked Cheetos. 'Nuf said.
What I can blather on about, though, is my newest luxury item ("Luxurious!" -Trump) which I blame 100% on my friend Shea who enticed me last time I was at her house. The new item? Nonni's Toffee Almond Biscotti. Dipped in milk chocolate. Dunked in my morning cup of Half-Caff Folgers. All soft and doughy....melt in your mouth chocolately....my mouth is watering just thinking about it. Droooooooool......
Shake it off. Time to move on from food. I could stay on that topic all day. Maybe if I ever write a book it will be about food. Food, Cooking, and the Art of Eating. Hmm. Hmm? It will be followed by the sequel How to Stay on Topic. My next topic: clothing. I'm just so grateful to not be wearing maternity clothes this summer, that I've just thrown myself back into the world of clothing. Cheaply, of course. It's not like I have a job and y'all know not a soul has answered the call of tutoring on my flyers. So. Bathing suits! Target! Issac Mizrahi! El cheapo suitos for me(o). They're so cute and inexpensive that you can buy several and mix and match. The best part? Full coverage for the backyard. I'd love to wear the teenybopper swimwear, but I just can't get on board with half my tail hanging in the wind. Not gonna do it.
From here, I will wrap up with a peek at summer. You cannot properly begin summer without my Best Raft Ever. [See picture for flashback to last summer.] In actuality, the product is a Swimways Raft. It is the most fabulous contraption that exists. The meshy bottom drops you ever-so-slightly into the water, but not so far that you don't get a foxy tan. The sun warms you, the water cools you....what more can you ask for?
Well, I'll tell you. Eddie's been lecturing me for a good 2 or 3 years now about my desire for a good fetching tan. See, Eddie had this one summer in which she, well.....she kind of briefly changed races. She spent so much time on a boat that she got so tan her knees looked kind of dirty. Then and there she declared the sun to be evil and renounced all things tan. Including me. So! I have slowly, but surely come around and now I do occasionally enjoy the self-tanning product. Now, I can't use the body kind because no matter how many tricks I try, my ankles and knees turn all Oompa Loompa. But the Neutrogena face stuff? The Build a Tan? That's my product. And it has SPF 15! What more could you ask for? I always wear a hat now. No facial tanning for Pigs. No sirree, Bob.
And finally, my hair. In the summer, I get lazy and hot. When it's hot, I do not like to dry and straighten my hair, so I usually air dry it and go curly. The #1 curly hair product? Frizz-Ease Dream Curl Perfecting Spray. It's wicked awesome. Good curls, nice bounce, not stiff. Rock on. Summer is here.
And so, my friends, these are a few of my favorite things. I would love to read about your favorite things too. If you are so moved, please tell me of your favorite things in the comments. If you are super industrious, make your own list and leave me the link.