Saturday, February 24, 2007

Yes, there are people out there who need these things stated formally.

I don't consider myself to be overprotective or disillusioned about the Wonder that is Piglet. I know he has his faults and I know that he needs to not live in a bubble. However. There are some things that people do that cross a line. The following are some simple guidelines for people who may wish to interact with your child. Particularly strangers. So, if you are a stranger to a child (and maybe even if you know the child), please adhere to the following suggestions:

1. Do not take my child from my arms. Though I may look like I have my hands full at the cash register as I juggle my credit card, purse, and keys, I assure you that I have it completely under control. You, the stranger, reaching across the counter to hold Piglet weirds me out. A lot. Don't do it.

2. Should you insist on snatching my child despite the aforementioned warning, please do not put your face up to his. It is February and even though there is 80 degree weather, it is still cold and flu season. You? Are germy. So back off.

3. Let's say, we're in a restaurant and Piglet is sitting in my lap and you find him to be completely adorable. I understand, he is quite a charmer, but his gummy little smile and flirty eyes are not, I repeat NOT, an invitation for you to come over and kiss him. I don't know you and you are sweeping the floors of a hamburger establishment. Also? Your breath smells.

4. No matter who you are, where you are, and whether or not you know the child, please don't touch their hands. Yes, their hands are so cute and little and they grab your finger ever-so-sweetly, but DUDE. Their sweet little hand that just touched your raunchy, tainted, polluted grown up one? That's right, it goes straight into their cute little gummy mouth. I recommend the touching of feet. Baby feet are just as cute and much less likely to go in the mouth at that moment. Or? Just don't touch at all. They're darn cute little creatures to look at and talk to (just not too close to their face, see rule # 2).

Here ends my diatribe regarding the rules and regulations that I would like to remain in place regarding Piglet. Thank you for your time.

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