See, when you guys went to the pool, dad left the pantry open. I was just doing my usual surveillance - you know, to make sure the homestead is secure and all - when I noticed the door open. When I peeked inside to check for invaders, I saw that box of those individual cereals that that nice MAN gave us a couple months ago? You know I love to help you eat those. I just thought maybe I'd have just the one bowl, so I chewed off the wrapper and got after that plastic bowl of cereal. It was GOOOO-ood! Lucky Charms really are magically delicious. But then I think I slipped into some kind of sugar coma because when you got home and I was all bloated and passed out on the couch?
There were four boxes of cereal on the floor around me, so it appeared as though I ate 3 Lucky Charms and a Cinnamon Toast Crunch! I have no memory of any of that. I do think it was right mean of you to not give me dinner that night.
I am sorry, though, about embarrassing you yesterday when your room mom from school came over to measure for those baby curtains she's making you.
I definitely should not have looked in her purse. That was really bad manners. I'm just not used to things being left on the floor for me! It was so tempting! But even when I looked, I definitely, definitely, for sure should not have picked those pretty pieces of paper out of there with my teeth. And....I probably ought not have run around the house with them in my mouth. I didn't know they were checks. Who would've thought that's what $700 tasted like? I had no way of knowing. So, really, I'm perfectly innocent.
I wanted to tell you I'm really sorry and maybe please, please you might put that suitcase away. I promise I'll be so good if only you'll stay home. I get so lonely when you're not here. Pretty please?