Sunday, May 14, 2006

Have you ever had this night?

I was dreaming peacefully... In my dream, I was also dreaming peacefully. What does that say about relaxation? So, there I was, dreaming about dreaming peacefully, when! WHEN! Huge spiders crawled all over my body! Massive, hairy, leggy spiders! I began to flail about, wrenching the foul monsters off of me one by one. I screamed bloody murder! Flinging my right arm to the side to rid myself of one of the demons, I struck something solid. Something kind of squishy solid. Mike woke up instantly. Me? Not so much yet.

"ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRH!!!!" shouted my husband in the dark, certain I was being attacked by a midnight intruder who was tearing me from limb to limb.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!" I shouted back. "Get them! Get them! They're all over me!" I struggled against the hairy beasts crawling all over me and reached for the light while throwing the covers dramatically off my body. Clearly, the spiders were all up in the bed. It was in this flinging that I struck Mike solidly in the left eye with my flailing fist.

"ARRRRRRRRRR!!!!" came his yell, more angry now, sure I must be being attacked viciously. "Pigs! Pigs!" he began to scream, clearly trying to save me.

I continued to scream from the top of my lungs and leap about in the dark, now jumping on the bed, my head precariously near the ceiling fan as I bounced from one spider-covered leg to the other, trying to kick them off. Suddenly, I awakened. I realized that I was leaping about in the bed and that there were, in fact, no spiders. Suddenly, I realized I had punched my husband in the face. [kind of hard: think spider-flinging force]

"Igsh! Ah ant ose ah oww!" Mike said, not so clearly.

"Huh?" I said, realizing that he sounded really funny. I casually knelt down and switched on the lamp as though I had just awakened from a light slumber. I cocked my head and listened again.

"Ah aw ish huck!!" Mike shouted desperately as he rubbed at his face, mouth widely agape. I put on my glasses for closer inspection. It seemed that somehow in all the hollering, his mouth had become stuck...rather open. His jaw was locked open. It was very important at this time that I not laugh. Or point out the blue-ish shiner that was developing around his eye. I bit my tongue and suggested a mirror, swallowing the bouts of insane laughter that threatened to spew forth.

He spent the next ten or fifteen minutes rubbing his face back into place while I lounged in bed, trying not to giggle or admit that I had caused his face an awful lot of trauma in my sleep.


**Note: This was not a pregnancy-hormone-related dream. My sister and I have had these all our lives. They're quite disruptive when sharing a bed with someone else.

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