Wednesday, February 08, 2006

Reason #37 to Start Shaving My Legs in Winter

You might accidentally stand for a while on a fire ant bed while on recess duty on the playground. 30-40 of said ants might infiltrate your shoe. The ants could then separate, some heading south into your shoe to burrow in the fleshy part of your foot, and some heading north up the trouser sock into more heavily wooded terrain to explore the jungles of your Winter Leg. Your predicament might just be spotted by a Concerned Parent™ and they just may begin swatting at your leg and hefting your pants leg up in an attempt to save you from a legion of ant bites. While very thoughtful, this act of kindness risks a visual of the aforementioned unshaven leg before the Concerned Parent™, fellow on-duty colleague, and various children. Clearly, this would be unacceptable. Therefore, it will become necessary to vehemently deny that ants are chewing their way up your leg and quickly make your way to the restroom where you might have to whip off your pants and squish the rest of the invaders by hand. You could then scratch and burn for the rest of the day and you might even find yourself with a wayward wandering adventuresome ant 30 minutes later in the Far North Deciduous Thigh Forest. Hypothetically.

1 comment:

Jim said...

As a North Carolinian, you may not have much experience with fire ants. One thing that helps is to wash the bites with soap and water. Some of the poison is topical and you will remove a portion this way.