Tuesday, December 06, 2005

It's Always Tuesday

I may as well preface this with my mood: crankysnarktastic. I really didn't start out like this, I am unsure how I became such a grump. (or why I'm always writing in such a grumpy mood; I guess it's venting) I woke up feeling awake! As in, not tired! This in itself was unusual and got me all the way out of bed and into the shower without incident. It was after that that my day went downhill.

While in shower, I realized that a) soap was down to pathetic slivers, and b) legs were excessively hairy. Did not have time or proper amount of heat to shave them. Knew that if I did shave them, my strange fall allergies would just cause me to sneeze and the hair would just grow back anyway, so what would be point? Did not shave. Proceeded to wear compulsively planned out Tuesday outfit - OH! NO WONDER! It's Tuesday. Well, no wonder this day was such a stinkfest. Duh - which consisted of lined pants. Lining which catches on hairy legs all day.

On the way to school, I realized I was coasting on fumes and should probably stop for gas. Fortunately, by not shaving my legs, I had time to do this deed. Pulled up to pump, got out, opened tank, went to push button and....this pump is not in service at this time....thank you.....of course it's not. Return nozzle, close tank, back in car, drive around to new pump. While pumping gas, legs raised into wicked goosebumps and leg hair nearly tore pant lining. When going to pay for gas, enjoy cheerful serenade from rusty truck 'o men: "OooooWooooooWooooooo! Chica bonita! Ayeeeeee!" Smile politely and bust a move out of there.

Upon arriving to school, I perused my email inbox for a moment, clicking on a few messages from parents. I do not, cannot, will not understand or accept from people the inability to write certain words correctly. There have been recent posts on Meredith's blog and on the MAN's blog regarding unacceptable grammar errors from adults. I would like to submit my own here: [clear throat]

SUPPOSABLY. It's not a word. It's really, really not a word. Think about it. It's not appropriate in conversation and is even more offensive when written. Also...

Was Billy SUPPOSE to be going to tutoring? No, Billy wasn't supposed to be going to tutoring, but perhaps you should. Look it up.

Gah! Burns my biscuits. So then up pops an email from my principal. Turns out, I missed our team leader meeting. Our alleged team leader meeting. Our alleged team leader meeting which was listed on our weekly calendar which - ping! - popped up in my inbox after the aforementioned message. My principal told me that she got her calendar yesterday from my Favorite Secretary in the World. I had to physically show her the date and time which I received my message on my computer and I really, really think she's still mad. Or maybe she's mad at herself for not letting us know when the meeting was. I was apparently not the only no-show. I gotta let that go 'cause there's not a thing in the world I can do to read somebody's mind. I'm quite the rule follower and very much the pleaser, but mind reading? Just can't do it. Don't have time today.

Then let's talk about random parents coming to me to complain about other teachers on my team which is a) none of my business, b) extremely rude of them, and c) kinda stupid if they have any clue what a gossip I am. There are just so many people in this world who genuinely believe that the rules apply to everyone but them. For instance, it's critical to punish everyone else's kids if they break a rule, but if their little darling breaks a rule, then wait! Wait! Please don't punish them...it was my fault, erm...yeah! I left their homework on the table. It was my responsibility to put it in their folder and I forgot. You understand, don't you? Don't you? Vomit on a cracker.

And finally, I caught wind that our faculty Christmas party is going to involve both a DJ and dancing. [Deep cleansing breath, eyes closed] I am troubled, troubled at this prospect. I'm going to take the number of teachers who wear clothing adorned with apples and multiply the consistently high nerd factor of our staff and divide that by the number of women who snort when they laugh, and....and I'm going to keep my eyes closed. Except for when I'm clandestinely videotaping. Heh.

I'm going to end on a positive note.
1. I love the new Nabisco 100 calorie snack packs. Except that I have to eat four of them to get my fill.
2. Also? I adore air duster. I think I may be obsessed with the ability to get dog hair, crumbs, and general filth out of my keyboard. It's better than popping a zit.
3. I'll close with a tattle at recess today:

Joey: "Mrs?! Mrs?! Pete just said a cuss at me! He said a cuss! At tetherball!"
Slow Processing Pete: "I! I! You're always trying to - I! Hey! I didn't SUCK!"
Joey: [stares]
Me: [stare]
Colleague: [collapses in uncontrollable giggles]
Joey: I told you he cussed.
Slow Processing Pete: [head hung in shame] I didn't mean to say suck again.

No comments: