Saturday, October 08, 2005

Souvenirs of the Sink

My sincere apologies for the lack of posting this week. I can sense that you've just been teetering on the edge of your seat to learn the outcome of my depressed toe. It's been an incredibly busy week, so while I build the suspense about 'ol BT (BigToe), I will detail my string of valid excuses in hopes of gaining your forgiveness.
Firstly, MomPig and DadPig are visiting SingingPig this weekend, so there was much house cleaning and general turmoil every night after school as we prepared for their once-yearly gracing of our home. It's much like when the Queen is coming, except there is more purchasing of BudLight. Intense, scrupulous preparation, I tell you. Also, it is October. Some of you innocent Earthlings [i.e. - Folks With Regular Jobs] might think of October as the Launch of Autumn or the peak of football season or the precursor to Halloween, which all sound lovely and enticing. In reality, for teachers it's the Month of Hassle, Anxiety, Worry and Critique [MoHAWC]. It's the month when your collegues see what you're really made of. The month when you understand and remember why they give you those two months off. Those two months are to prepare you psychologically for MoHAWC. The end of the first quarter, the first report card, 40+ parent conferences, no days off until Thanksgiving, and in my case: The Detested Field Trip. That will be a post in itself.
That should bring you properly up to date on my week, so at this time we will turn the spotlight back on BT. As you know, I was supposed to get my stitches out on Monday, but the laceration remained too gaping. Instead, I returned to the doctor yesterday where I received good news and bad news. Of course you want the good first: I got my stitches out! Wooooo! It was a tremendous relief to have those gnarly little spidery black threads off of my toe. I give you the


And the After:

The stitches were about 50% of the Ick Factor of this injury. Then the bad news.
I was discussing with my doctor how, despite the healing of my wound, I was still having a lot of pain walking and I was living in fear of anyone - dog, doctor, or student - coming within 5 feet of my foot for fear of pain. I walk around my classroom with my arms extended saying, "Whoa! Foot! Back off! Hey!" to anyone who dares to approach me. Gus has received more than the recommended amount of All Purpose Spankings and walks around with a perpetually confused look on his face. He genuinely believes that it is his duty as Dog to lick and cleanse Mommy's Toe Wound. Afterall, it's what he does when he gets a boo boo.

I digress again. Back to my bad news. Long story short (too late), I got me some more xrays because I was skeptical of the five (5) that I received at the ER in Virginia with no results or explanation for why they continued to xray. Soon after arriving home from the doctor yesterday, I received a phone call.

Me: Hello?
Nurse: I was calling to give you the results of your xray.
Me: Super fabulous! Please continue!
Nurse: It seems there is a foreign body in your toe that is causing your pain.
Me: [silence. mouth hanging open]
Nurse: We are going to have to refer you to a podiatrist to remove it.
Me: What?! Are you serious?
Nurse: Here's their number. Have a great day!

Bahr?! Just when I was wondering why my toe still hurts like dookie after almost two weeks. It's all clear to me now! There' s a stinkin' piece of Old Dirty Mexican Restaurant Sink in my toe!

If you look closely, just above BigToe, there is a small fragment floating about. LuckyPig, I have to have my poor, battered toe poked and cut and prodded again!

Now, you tell me, oh faithful reader: What's a Pig to do? CousinEddie is raring for me to sue. Sue who? I'm not sure. Another little detail you might be interested in is that the owner of said Mexican Restaurant has not returned any of my emails. I want my out of pocket, non-insurance related expenses paid for. Specifically, bandages, crutches, drug store supplies, and my ruined, prized Kenneth Cole sandals. I don't really believe in frivolous lawsuits, which is why I only wanted the insurance companies to handle it, but now I have dual neglect:
1. Sink plunges off wall onto foot in restaurant.
2. Hospital leaves piece of dirty sink in foot and sews it up.

This is becoming quite the nuisance. You ponder that one. I'd really like to know what you think. I must get back to my hostess duties; it's time for breakfast.


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