Thursday, June 16, 2005

Last Gus Post, I swear.

Vet's Office: May I help you?
Me: Hi! It's me again....I need some more beagle eating trauma advice.
VO: What'd Gus eat this time?
Me: A brownie. No dark chocolate. About 3 people bites' worth. I'm guessing about an hour ago. I just came home to find the evidence.
VO: Let's go hydrogen peroxide again. He should be okay.
Me: Thanks! How's your summer going? I haven't talked to you in at least a month! (etc)

Have you ever given a dog hydrogen peroxide? Have you really? It's one of the most foul and inhumane ways to retrieve things from a dog's innards. But it works. It works instantly, violently, and thoroughly. Gus is not a fan, but he was really not in a position to argue.

I dragged his fat, limp self to the dreaded bathtub of abuse and whipped out the oft-used familiar brown bottle and began to pour. This is the point at which Gus tries to run on the bathtub. Legs flailing, ears flying, nails scratching, look of panic in his eyes. It's pretty cute really. I pried his jaws open, poured in the magic potion, and waited.

The stomach lurching is the most foul part of the event, soon followed by the wicked nasty phlegm vomit, but it's a pretty regular event in our household. This tried and true technique has returned chocolate, earrings, rings, plants, and an assortment of other odds and ends over the last couple of years. I stand by it. Gus does not. He in fact will not "speak" to me for a good 2 or 3 hours after the cleansing.

In classic beagle retaliation, he spent the night waking me up every few hours so he could throw up and I could clean it up in my half-witted state of slumber. All is well and forgotten today. He's devoured two Kleenexes, one envelope and a dead leaf from a plant. All back to normal.

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