Monday, March 07, 2005

Dear Parents,

A few friendly pointers as we finish out the last quarter of this school year...
1. Open House is not code for "your own private parent conference." There are 90+ of you. I am only one person and if you want the truth, I'm pretty tired of talking about your kid.
2. Despite popular belief, it is not entirely my responsibility to teach and raise your child. You had the kid. I am only here to teach it. I am not accountable for teaching your child morals, manners, or sports. Just so you know.
3. Just because my district doesn't enforce the dress code doesn't mean you can't exercise a little common sense. Wife beaters? Kinda tacky. Bellies? They really shouldn't be visible. Especially in winter. That bring me to number four.
4. It is not healthy for a fourth grader to weigh over 150 pounds. Yes, they do. We did a mass center in math and I know. And yes, I laughed when your child left. However, if you do not find problem with this weight, perhaps you might consider that horizontal stripes, anything in the "legging" family, and halter tops are really not the best look for your child. Also, if you could stay away from the Tweety Bird shirts that say "Hot Chick," it would really help me keep a straight face while I'm teaching.
5. I am 100% cognizant of the fact that your child is special. Please stop reminding me of their special needs. I have 44 special kids and I like most of them, but none are more special than the others. Seriously. I will not "write down their homework for them" or "pack their backpack to make sure they have everything." Which reminds me...
6. Don't say, "I don't believe in medicating my child." I personally don't believe in medicating most children. But yours? Really needs medication. I wouldn't lie to you. Of course, I'm not allowed to tell you your child needs medication because you could sue me. But when I keep using the words can't focus and limited attention span and social problems? Yeah, that actually is code. Get your kid some meds.
7. A full sized bag of Funyans is not an appropriate snack. Make a note of it.
8. Please do not feed your child massive quantities of eggs on the mornings of big tests. I know you mean well, but the octane level in my classroom after these breakfasts is a potential biohazard.
9. Get your daughter a bra and some deodorant. I know she's only in fourth grade, but the evidence is staring me right in the face everyday.
10. I understand that you bought 48 pencils for your child at the beginning of the year. That was a really long time ago. You need to go to Target and get some more. I'm sorry that your child lost them all, but the cup on my desk is not a free store as your child believes it to be.

Thanks so much for your help and support. Together, we can strive to help your child reach their greatest potential.

Sincerely,
Mrs. R

7 comments:

GuusjeM said...

I just watched SuperSize Me on SHO. Lots of footage on childhood obesity. Scary. We see it too- beer bellies on 10 year olds. And tank tops with clevage. Worn with belly shirts. Yesterday I saw a jacket for a 3 year old that said "Jailbait" on the back.

And our cafeteria sells "hot cheetos" as fund rasiers. Despite my school being 85% free & reduced lunch 85% of the kids buy the hot cheetos and dump the lunch.

wanda said...

Hang in there. You only have two and a half months left!

sede said...

It sure sounds like some of these "parents" are the ones needed medication!
I am a medical transcriptionist and it is more than shocking, but less and less uncommon, to see little children, 8-12 year olds, who weigh in at 150+ pounds! I just don't get it.

sede said...

It sure sounds like some of these "parents" are the ones needed medication!
I am a medical transcriptionist and it is more than shocking, but less and less uncommon, to see little children, 8-12 year olds, who weigh in at 150+ pounds! I just don't get it.

Jan said...

Wow, we must have some of the same students. lol

shandi said...

Yes, I'm reading this at work. I shouldn't be....but...I started laughing...out loud. Now everyone around me wants to know what I'm reading. Hope you don't mind, but I had to print this one out for all my coworkers. We all have kids. It's a bit revealing and disturbing to know what is really going on in the minds of our teachers. I have realy got to visit your blog more often. Got to love it!!!

Christopher said...

Oh good! I'm not the only one dealing with these issues!

My biggest problems right now are #2 aand #5.

It makes me want to pull my hair out.

"Mr. W, I just can't keep up with him, you are going to have to do it."

Exact quote.

Wait. She has one to keep track of and at last count I was taking care of 23. Something isn't right there.