Monday, February 07, 2005

I Know I'm Not a Parent, But...

I have picked up a thing or two at school just today. If you are a parent, these are a few friendly suggestions from the teacher:

1. Don't, under any circumstances, shave your ten year old's hair into a mohawk and send them to school. This might seem funny while you're giving them the buzz cut at home, but there is really no logical reason to leave it that way.

2. Don't act all confused and surprised when the assistant principal calls you during the day and tells you to come pick up your son and his mohawk and return him with a dress code appropriate hair cut. Seriously. Not rocket science.

3.You have already passed fourth grade. I believe you. There is no need to show me how well you can do a book report. I am more interested in what your child can do. Thanks.

4. Stop lying. I remember when you told me in the fall conference that you don't believe in medication and would never take your child to a specialist. Don't tell me today that you did take him last year and that the specialist said your child didn't have anything wrong with him. You're lying. I write things down.

5. It is okay for your child to have faults. They are not perfect. I spend more time with them than you do, and I know they're not perfect. Stop trying to tell me that they are misunderstood. It is you who misunderstands your child. Try spending some time with them. It works.

6. Coming to school with your child every Monday and writing down their homework in your dayplanner is not helping them become independent. Your child is going to get to middle school and fry like an egg. You'll see.

7. NO. I will not teach you over the phone what I taught the kids in class. Your kid needs to listen. And you need to get a life.

8. Calling the principal when you think your child has been wronged is not going to help you. She is just going to come tell me what you said and then I will resent your child. This suggestion also applies to last year's teacher. Don't do it. We all talk and we are on the same side. If you have a problem, come to me.

9. Please don't tell me that you aren't asking for special privileges and then in the same breath ask me to do something just for your child that I don't do for others. That falls under the category of special privileges. That's how that works.

10. Just because one of your children was diagnosed with ADHD doesn't mean the rest of them have it. We are not going to help you put all of your children on Ritalin just because you can't teach them to behave. Discipline: look into it. It's crazy stuff.

Thank you and have a pleasant evening.


Wardo said...

Well! What an invigorating post! I've been kind of a naughty boy lately myself, do you think you could "teach me a lesson?"

You know what I mean. I know you do.

Grammar. I need help with grammar. And math, I suck at that too.


panthergirl said...

GREAT post. You could not pay me enough money to be a teacher...I absolutely bow down to those of you who do it, and do it well. I was laughing so hard at the book report thing, because that parent-mentality runs rampant here.

My son has SEVERE ADHD and believe me, there is no way to "mistake" this for anything else. (when I say severe, I mean that he's on 20mg Ritalin three times a day in order to function normally. When he wakes up in the morning he cannot even dress himself until his meds kick in. It is very sad to me, actually.)

It makes me crazy when people interpret ordinary bad behavior as a "condition" and want to medicate for it. (it's sort of like mistaking sadness for real depression. No comparison.)

Anyway, thanks for being a great teacher!

Mad Hatter said...

you should check out A Contar. she just wrote about the same thing. lol. she's linked to my blog...

la maestra said...

oh, these crazy effin' parents... i neglected to mention that the parent i discuss is peeved because, as a result of the student theft in my room, i am removing all the panda bears i brought for the class during our thematic unit. which ended two weeks ago anyway. NOT like stuffed animals are a necessary part of her child's education. but seriously, that's what her complaints today were built around. GET. A. LIFE. your child's doesn't count!!!

FunkyB said...

Wow! Don't you just wish you could actually include that in your fall packet? Not that the kids would actually remember to give it to their parents... but doncha just wish???
Very funny, G!

Mysti said...

Absolutely Love #5. Can we staple that on to every parent's forehead, please?

Jan said...

Ah, the parents of the 'perfect' ones, you have to love those. Thanks for the list, it was very reassuring to read that my classroom experiences are indeed normal. :) As a fifth grade teahcer, I'm enjoying your blog!