Sunday, February 06, 2005

Notice of Eviction

Dear Cold,
I have just awakened from my fourth nap in as many days. It took place in front of a roaring fire with me swathed in a heavy fleece blanket. You should be aware that it is 62 degrees and sunny outside. This behavior which you are forcing me to exhibit is inappropriate.
A doctor told me once that a cold should last nine days. Three days coming, three days of cold, and three days going. Today is Day Nine. This letter serves as your official eviction notice. I have fought you with Vitamin C, liquids of many varieties, copious amounts of Sudafed and NyQuil, and a preposterous amount of sleep. In the last four days, I have napped for a total of 8 hours. That is sufficiently adequate. I have a life to which I need to return.
I wish for our separation to be fair and peaceful. I request that you leave me the remainder of my voice, my appetite, and my energy. You may have the phlegm, the weight I lost, and the aches. We will share custody of the memories of teaching with no voice for four days. We can part amicably with no hard feelings if you allow me a pleasant week.
Thank you, Cold. It's been real.
Cordially,
Ginny, your host.

5 comments:

wanda said...

Let me know if your eviction letter works. I may need that process in the future.

五師兄 said...

I never knew that the expiry date of a cold is 9 days. My boss usually allow me to take only 1 or at most 2 sick leave (I took one last Thursday, and that's it).

Anyway, hope you would get well very soon.

Anonymous said...

Just pray it isn't this flu that's going around my area. I heard it lasts three weeks. Or! On Friday, I heard mono is also going around. Mono! Mono would be really, really sucky. Maybe I should go ahead and prepare a letter, just in case.

-hipteacher

Rebecca Lynn said...

Good luck with that... If it works I might need to write a Keep Out letter to the allergies that inevitably invade anytime Im near my parents' dog...

Suzanne said...

damn viral relationships.
Hope you get to feeling better. We're fighting it here too....I think it's an invasion!