Sunday, December 05, 2004

It's All in a Name

I don't think a lot of people are aware of the genuine importance of a name. Careful planning and critical decision-making should transpire before just willy nilly selecting a name for anything. I personally took 3 weeks to get to know my new car before naming her. I wasn't even sure it was a girl for a week or so! (Her name is Lucy, by the way. We will address her by her proper name henceforth.) Some people simply DO NOT THINK when naming a child.
Now, I'm not talking about the urban legends of teachers who have kids named Lemonjelo and Orangelo after lemon and orange Jello or Shi-thead from, well...the obvious. [Although my mom did teach a child named Formica Dinette!] HOWEVER. There is a naming trend that needs to stop. If you have a bun in the oven or even thoughts of breeding someday, it is critical for your future children's success that you heed this warning:
***Do not, under any circumstances, name your child Brandon or any form of William, particularly Will or Willie. This is not a joke. Ask any educator.
Other names to be leery of include Jacob, James, Jordan, Zachary, Brittany, Courtney, Lexi, and forms of Christopher.
Now, other names have good connotations for teachers. Dylans are always superb. Alyssas are always good. Also pleasant are Matthews, Emilys, Ryans, Michaels, Katelyn/Catelyn/Caitlyns, and Sarahs.
Now, on another note, I remember in high school the DJ's on Rock 92 in Greensboro had this theory they tested with the criminal report each Monday that it was released. It was called the Wayne Lee Ray Update. Their theory was that criminals were likely to have one of these names somewhere in their given birth name. If you start watching in the news, you will find this to be true!
So, the Cliff's Notes version is: Do not name your child Brandon, Willie, Wayne, Lee or Ray. Don't say I didn't tell you!


Eddie said...

I would also avoid Coreys (M) and Hollys (F).

Anonymous said...

You didn't say why these names should be avoided. I'm curious, especially since I planned to name my future son William! But I'm glad to see you approve of my choice of name for a girl.

Pigs said...

Stay away from those names because they are BAD kids. If you must do a William, just call him William. Don't go Will or Willie or Billy or any of that. They tend to be worse. Horrific, actually. I've had one almost every year and they are always the worst.

katielady said...

So you are going sheerly on their behavioral characteristics? I was assuming it was because of the constant teasing you would receive having the name Willie. Similar to Richard (Dick). I will remember this sage advice when attempting to name my girls, but it has already been decided (don't ask why or how) that if we have a boy, his name will be Andrew James, Drew for short. I had to give in to that so Joel would not name him Nolan Ryan Barron!

Anonymous said...

I've been teaching for 15 years and I've never had any luck with either Nicholas' or Lukes. Melissa, Elsie and Brooke are to be avoided at all costs.
I once taught a twin called Auckland. His brother's name was Wellinton...I kid you not. I also taught a Cinderella, brother to Prince Jake...again I kid you not! Known as PJ because none of the teachers could read out Prince Jake at assembly without sniggering. Made Aussie Anne seem quite tame when she arrived in my class.
Anne - fellow teacher
username: ilove
password: carnations