Spring Break.

You'll notice that's a period up there. Not an exclamation point, as you may have seen in days of yore. Days of yore being the years I was a teacher when spring break meant tropical vacations, road trips with friends, shopping, and sleeping in. Now I dread spring break like the plague. What's the big deal? some might say. You do it for four months every summer every day!

Alas. There are some key differences. The big huge one - clearly - is that the pool isn't open. The pool makes everything okay....the sun, the Vitamin D, the energy burning off, the exercise, the socializing opportunities - all good. Spring Break is the time when all of our friends leave. They're at the beach, the mountains, Disney World. The grandparents have voluntarily taken the children so our friends can go on adult vacations to tropical locales. I will begin and end this paragraph with...alas.

So, that brings us to: no school, no pool, no friends. Swimming lessons are over, playgroup is canceled. I will throw in that because I'm a masochist I decided that I would attempt to potty train Pigpen this week as well. This choice isn't really mine, I'm doing it for Pigpen's teacher who likes to mention to me that he is the only child in his class not potty trained. I like to politely mention in reply that he is the only child in his class who isn't 3 and won't be until the end of June. But I said I would try.

Try I did. For two days we've done it all. Elmo underwear! Potties! Flushing! Rewards! High fives! Make bubbles! It's like a fire hose! Can you hit the floating Cheerios? Stickers!The child wants diapers. The child is also some sort of boy-camel hybrid because he can hold his pee, he just has some irrational fear of the toilet. [If you own a boy whom you have potty trained, you may feel free to begin analysis and suggestions at this time. If you own a girl, I don't want to hear about it.] So here's what he does:

Underwear on. "I have underwear!" Pigpen proceeds to show his underwear to anyone who will look at it. He is so skinny that the 2T tighty whitey briefs gape around his legs. His pants now fall off because there is no diaper to hold them up. Piglet is incredibly tired of looking at Pigpen's underwear. "Yes, Pigpen. I see your underwear." He is beyond bored with Pigpen's potty training.

Pigpen then holds urine like a camel holds water. He stands at the potty over and over again, not peeing. Many hours pass. He should be swelling like a balloon. He grins. Naptime arrives. I put him in a diaper, sure he will just urinate in bliss in his diaper. He sleeps for two hours. Diaper is dry. Not five minutes after he has re-acquired underwear, he pees all over the place. Drawers, shorts, socks. Sigh. This happened twice today and once yesterday. Nary a pee in the potty yet. In two days. I'm debating if I'm going to give it one more day or just call it quits until school gets out.

Tomorrow and possibly Tuesday Mr. Pigs will be working late. Can you hear the excitement in my voice? I'm ready to pull out all the stops. All the art projects I've been stashing away are coming out. There will be cooking. There will be Easter egg hunts. There might even be water play. It's supposed to be 86 degrees tomorrow, so Pigs might be whipping out the bikini, pool or no. Er....I gotta go, um, shave my legs. Wish me luck. (With the week, not the shaving.) (Well, maybe the shaving too. It's been a long winter.)