Holy Relaxation, Batman!

**Note: This post may be perkier than you are used to reading on this site. If you are easily alarmed, disturbed, or have a heart condition, please read with caution. The perkiness may be extreme. Or extremely annoying. Either way, take it easy.

Guess what? Guess what? Guess what? I got to go away for a girls' weekend! Me! And girls! On a weekend! Did you catch the away part? Away!

I left on a Friday....and came back on a Sunday. That's 3 days! And 2 nights! Away! Guess where I went? To a spa resort. For reals. Now, of course you must realize that I had a bargain in there somewhere. The group I went with were girls from my playgroup and one of them works in the spa and got us into this marvelous, fantastic, stupendous place for $39 a night. So, when it's cheap, you know Pigs is happy as, well, a pig in mud.

So get this: I went out to a grown up dinner? Without highchairs or crayons! And then? Then? I got to sleep in this big squishy cozy bed with white linens and bedding and whole bunches of squashy pillows. I got to stay up late and watch a MOVIE and you know why? Because the next morning, I got to sleep in! Until 8:30! When I woke up for my spa treatments!

Oxygen facial, steam, more nifty applications to my face than I can name. I got my eyebrows did and a mini massage. Hoo boy! Mimosas, bread and fruit plate, little sandals and robes. Squishy couches and gorgeous lake views. Tinkly music, whirlpools, giggly girl talk. I could go on. I won't, but I want to stress that I totally could.

So that brought us to lunchtime. It was sad to leave the spa, but there was a whole afternoon of kidless pool time awaiting us. Being that I am physically unable to pay for things like $11 sandwiches poolside, we took off to a nearby sports bar for a large platter of nachos for sustenance. My friend who spa-friendlied my face told me that I had to wear a hat in the sun, so I bought a fetching black floppy sun hat that brought no fewer than four (4) compliments from women in the over 50 crowd, thankyouverymuch. We lounged in the sun with our thermos of pre-made pina coladas (I am so not paying $11 for a drink. Or $6.50 for Bud Light in a can!) until about 5pm, when it was time to get ready to go out.

OUT! I said out! Like, wash and straighten my hair, wear make up and go to a real restaurant out! While dining outdoors, a friend who shall remain nameless spotted a wedding reception in the making and declared her lifelong wish to crash a wedding. Now, I'm going to say here and now that this has never been any sort of life long wish of my own. In fact, as a dedicated, card carrying Rule Follower, this suggestion was quite the opposite of anything I wished to do. Alas.

I followed along, right on into a beautiful wedding reception in the winery, where I scanned the room and saw, oh....about 50 people. Tops. This was not the wedding to crash. You crash very large weddings where blending is an option. You do not crash small family weddings where people are all related to one another and would clearly note a group of random people wandering into their affairs. Which of course, they did. Which is how my friend came to be led out the door rather brusquely by the elbow by the mother of the groom who had an impressivly sharp grip. Heh. She had to hunt to find me, as I had high-tailed it out of there as soon as I saw somebody look at me with a question mark on their face. And also, after I took a picture. You know. Priorities.

We wrapped up the lovely weekend with a greasy Waffle House breakfast Sunday morning and a trip to the outlet mall on the way home during which I purchased highly discounted bra inserts. Could you ask for more? I do not think so. Did we miss anything we should have included?