Tuesday, March 30, 2010

Where's the Flood?

Piglet is a very heavy sleeper. Very. Though he's been potty trained since around his 3rd birthday, he's nowhere close to being able to be set free at night. (I'm giving TMI in an effort to solicit suggestions from those of you who are in the know and might offer ideas, the rest of you just bear with me, the usual humiliation and angst are coming.) So, we eat dinner at 6:30, he pees, takes bath, watches a little Mickey Mouse, reads books, pees again around 7:45, goes to bed, then we take him pee before we go to bed, say 11ish. One would think that this copious urination would be enough to get one wee lad through the night. Alas. Said wee lad wets through an overnight Pull Up about 50% of the time.

He is a documented Very Hard Sleeper. I know he doesn't wake up when he needs to pee because he doesn't even wake up when his pajamas and sheets are soaked, so I just figure he's going to be like this for a while. I'm okay with that, but I wish he didn't wet through the Pull Up. Maybe he should wear two. Maybe I should just wrap him in gauze. Can kids go in baggies? Hmmm. But! This does all have a point.

A friend of mine suggested that I try cutting liquids after 4 or 5 in the afternoon to see if that helps, so yesterday I decided to give it a whirl. Around 4:30, we had Last Call and he drank a cup of water, belched, and proclaimed himself good to go. I can see a future in a fraternity for this one. I'm a little surprised he didn't crush the cup on his forehead, to be honest. Anyhoo...Last Call didn't work out as planned.

First of all, it messed up the pee schedule. See, usually when we take him around our bedtime he is still dry, but last night he wasn't because I had forced Last Call? So Mr. Pigs changed his Pull Up (I cannot tolerate use of more than one Pull Up per day, as I am so excited to not have to buy them anymore, so this doesn't work for me) and put him back to bed and he was still wet this morning. Not PJs and covers wet, but wet. Then he was Parched. Yes, Parched with a capital P. He chugged a big 'ol cup of juice and water mix, belched and proclaimed himself "better". [Insert head cup crush]

Today, being Tuesday and all, was picture day at the preschool, so this morning I scurried around trying to find clothes that didn't have crust on them and pants that appeared ironed and didn't fall down. Pigpen doesn't even have a booty when he's wearing a diaper, so it's impossible for the child to wear pants. But, I soldiered through and even attempted to make their shirts and pants sort of coordinate because they will do pictures of siblings together. (Aw!) I got everyone fed, dressed, and brushed. We were headed out the door when I noticed the BIG BROWN POOP LEAK on Pigpen's backside. OH, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, WE WERE ALMOST ON TIME.

We all three dashed up the stairs, Pigpen extended two feet from me, hanging by his armpits and wailing and Piglet went into diaper leak mode. We're a well-oiled machine, Piglet and I. He got the Target bag ready and open, got me a new diaper, opened the wipes, and waited to catch the debris. He shuttled the dirty shirt and pants to the hamper and took the dirty diaper and mess down to the big trash can in the garage. We are the pit crew of poop leaks. I tried on 3 more pairs of pants before settling on a dorky pair with pleats and elastic, but at least they stayed up. We were ready.

We skidded into carpool only a couple minutes late and had a successful drop off. I had a lovely coffee date with a friend, then moseyed home in a leisurely fashion to get busy on some showering, cleaning, and errands. Except my message light was blinking.

"Hi....Pigs? It's Piglet's teacher. I know you're going to hate hearing this, but Piglet had a little accident this morning. It's weird since he hasn't had one since September, huh? Anyway, I noticed you sent him in khakis for the pictures, but his extra pants in his backpack are jeans. This is totally CUTE and FINE, but they have holes in both knees? Give me a call back? Do you want to bring him some more pants? Thanks!"

Okay, seriously? Today, Piglet? I'm assuming this all has to do with my Last Call and his chug fest this morning. This is the same message from his teacher translated by me, the Former Teacher and regular Walk of Shame Parent:

"Hi....Mother of the Year Again? It's Piglet's teacher. You did something freaky wrong and your kid peed himself right here on picture day. Don't you know how hard this day is anyway? What a freakshow. So, the unironed khakis you had on him were decent, but you've got these piece of crap Goodwill jeans in his bag because you don't want to waste real clothes in there? Yeah, they're a 2T and he's almost a 4T. You need to bring him some decent pants, stat, because your kid is about to ruin our class picture with his torn up highwaters. Thanks!"

By the time I got the message and called her back it was too late to bring him new pants, but she problem solved and put him in a pair of (3T) pants she swiped out of some other kids' appropriately packed back pack. This solution to me is BRILLIANT because she's an awesome teacher. Whew. Problem solved.

Except when I picked him up from school, she told me he peed in those too. Whaaaaaaat?!

So guess what he's wearing in the class picture? I bet you can't wait for me to post those. And guess who's washing some other kid's pants right now? Last Call is cancelled tonight.

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