Whew!!! It's a long one.

*This post may not be appropriate for those of weak stomach.

Whoa, Nelly. And WHOA....Nelly. The virus is ending. That was the craziest mess I've ever seen. Tomorrow is the day when I fully sanitize the house. The boys will be back in school (I hope, I hope...please, no more relapses!) and I am going to get crazy with some bleach around here. Let me share with you where I have been.

Tuesday -

A nice, normal day. Even for a Tuesday! Calm. I slept all night long, as I am used to doing.

Wednesday -

Another lovely day. Had breakfast for dinner. Was pleased that Pigpen actually ate meat! It was bacon, but hey...meat! Plans with friends that night. Was actually over at said friend's house when I got the call from Mr. Pigs that Pigpen had thrown up everywhere. Wine and American Idol plan aborted....I rushed home. Neither kid had ever thrown up before aside from infant reflux, so this little barf and puke song and dance was entirely new to us. Nice to throw us in the deep end with this virus. Arrive home and find much bacon and a lot of pink. Mr. Pigs had handled things superiorly, Pigpen was clean and dressed and on the floor with books, Mr. Pigs was pulling sheets off the crib. We hoped that it was the bacon and this was it.

It was not.

We were up every hour to two hours all night. It was like having a newborn again, except with excessive sheet changing, doggie washing, and laundry. OH THE LAUNDRY. We did over 20 loads of laundry in the last 6 days.

Thursday -

Mr. Pigs was kind enough to stay home a bit and take Piglet to school. He was fine as this was clearly just from bacon. I slept while Pigpen napped. He seemed all better! Smiling, laughing, playing, eating a bit! We were free. I skipped a little. Went to pick up Piglet at preschool. Halfway there, Pigpen hurled all over himself, his carseat, and my car. This was so not the bacon. Had Piglet shuttled out to the car so I didn't have to walk through the school with the germ-covered, puke smeared mess that was the bawling Pigpen.

That night at dinner, over macaroni noodles, Piglet joined the vomitfest and yakked all over my table. Gus was at the ready for clean up duty....best day he's ever had. Piglet continued to be sick until after midnight (hey, did I mention that he ate raisins for lunch?), at which point Pigpen got in a courtesy puke or two so he could participate too. Laundry, laundry, more laundry. Everything smelled like barf. Mr. Pigs and I were zombies, sleep cleaning and changing all night long. But Piglet? Is an excellent puker. He's kind of a neat freak, so after the first puke all over his bed and pajamas grossed him out, he hit the trash can every time, even carrying it in front of him marching like a little determined soldier to the toilet where he made it the rest of the time. The kid not once cha-chad in his underwear either. Unreal. Even mama can't pull that off all the time.

Friday-

Friday was not fun. Friday was me, alone with two sick kids. Though there was copious sleeping, not on my part, it was still a hard, messy day. A very super mighty awesome friend brought me a CVS delivery of every Pedialyte product made and a variety of masks. And Twizzlers just for me! I couldn't eat them, unfortunately, due to my severe What If syndrome.

After two days of puke, we contemplated what to have for dinner. Every suggestion was met with, "But what would that be like if it comes back up?" We ruled out all the things we like and decided on frozen french bread pizzas because they were mostly bread anyway. Later that night, Pigpen threw us a courtesy puke a couple hours after going to bed. Then another. And another. Laundry. Went to bed around midnight. I woke up around 12:30am with the knowledge that I had caught this monster virus. Sent Mr. Pigs to guest room with monitor.

Saturday-

From 12:30 to 6:30am I threw up Healthy Choice pizza sauce. Nooooooot good. Notgood. Very bad. I brushed my teeth. I swished with water. Still pizza sauce. Horrid, horrid stuff. Swore would never, ever eat food again. I was down and out for all of Saturday. Cramping stomach, fever pains, and nausea filled my day. Sent Mr. Pigs to CVS for Tylenol suppositories. Yes, I was that desperate and in pain. And he did it! What a stud. I watched most of a season of Cougartown and started Glee. (Both excellent shows, btw.) Mr. Pigs was a valiant trooper. Boys were good. Loud, for my taste, but good. They were both getting better! No more pukes, just persistent diarrhea.

Mr. Pigs put them to bed, mostly by himself. I went to hold a squawling Pigpen who only wanted MAMAMAMAMAMAAAAAA! all day long and was beside himself by bedtime. I collapsed back into bed, prepared to go to bed early. An hour later, Pigpen threw us another bedtime puke. Then another. Then another. Having had nothing to eat, I was a little weak on the stomach and the stamina. We pushed through the clean up and got him back to sleep. More laundry. Re-collapsed into bed. Zzzzzzzzz....

Sunday -

4am Mr Pigs appeared in our room, handed me the monitor and sent me upstairs to the guest room with little fanfare. He has acquired the funktastic spastic virus that won't die. This was the weekend that would never end. Pigpen was up at 6:30am and therefore so was I. Was I recovered? No way. But I could stand up and that was a step above Mr. Pigs. He took Sunday off and lay in bed watching football and groaning for ice water. I ate 3 saltines and sipped Gatorade while holding a crying Pigpen and a lethargic, moaning Piglet. I processed a great deal of laundry and mounded it on the couch where Gus would lie in it and lick his feet. I didn't care. Piglet threw up all over the den. Relapse for him. Cleaned him, the chair, the carpet. Put him to bed. Piglet took a morning nap for the first time since he was 9 months old. Slept two hours. Pigpen okay.

Later that afternoon while boys slept (all 3) I dashed to the store for some supplies. I bought $50 worth of Gatorade, Pedialyte, Culturelle, Saltines, and ginger ale. The clerk took a safe step back as she checked me out. Dashed back. Tried not to hurl from all the dashing. Somehow got everyone hydrated and put to bed. Mr. Pigs emerged weakly from the room, looking for liquids. An hour later, Pigpen gave us our nightly round of puking after going to bed and not puking all day. Again, again, again. Huge pukes. Huge, messy, violent, screaming pukes. This was not normal. Called healthcare nurse and she thought we should take him to ER. Sigh.

Mr. Pigs stayed with Piglet while I loaded up a bag for Pigpen (diapers, clothes, sippy) and a bag for me (Saltines, Gatorade, puke cup) and drove to the children's hospital. They couldn't explain the only puking at night thing, but confirmed his color, hydration, and processing to be good and put him on Zofran to stop puking. Got home at 2am, went to bed. He slept. I slept. It was now Monday.

Monday-

At 5:30am there is a huge and mighty crash from somewhere in the house. A rattle-y, banging, plastic sounding crash. We hauled our weary selves out of bed and search for source of crash, finding none. Back to bed. Mr. Pigs got up with boys. At this point, he had eaten one Saltine to my four. I dragged out of bed around 9.

It was clear that Mr. Pigs would not be making it into work today. He attempted to work from home amid our chaos. I went to CVS for more Pedialyte, Gatorade, Pampers ($6.88, can't beat that!), and a friendly chat with our brilliant pharmacist who figured out that Pigpen was puking at night because when kids who had reflux as infants get stomach viruses, sometimes the same acid problems can reoccur because the esophogus is so irritated, etc. Plus, he sleeps on his stomach, so.....URP! I heart my CVS pharmacist even though he knows that Mr. Pigs bought me Tylenol suppositories.

I don't remember the rest of Monday except that I had high hopes that Piglet would go back to school on Tuesday. And the laundry. Oh, the laundry. And then we all passed out into bed that night. Before we fell asleep, Mr. Pigs and I talked for about 30 minutes about all the delicious foods we are going to eat when this is over. We were starving, but if we ate it killed us. It would have been good except that PIGLET THREW UP ALL OVER HIS BED AROUND MIDNIGHT. That's right. Again. Pigpen remained sleeping with his happy no-puke pills (one of which I promptly slipped Piglet). So....no school for Piglet or Pigpen on Tuesday.

Tuesday -
It's always Tuesday, isn't it? I folded about 18 loads of laundry. I was still very queasy and hadn't eaten real food. I moved onto chicken broth and sipped cautiously. As the day went on, I felt better, Pigpen finally let me put him down on the floor and stopped crying. Piglet went outside to play. I felt cautiously optimistic. We even had what we called a "transitional poop" in Pigpen's diaper. Things were looking up.

Today, Piglet returned to school successfully. Tomorrow, I will send them both back. And then I will get out the bleach and go wild on this house. This virus was the nastiest, most endless stomach virus I have ever seen. I don't wish it on anybody! It's spreading around here like wildfire. Sometime during this weekend, our engagement anniversary (MLK says love, baby!!) passed and Pigpen turned 19 months old. Happy, happy....

Hope I didn't gross anybody out. :o)