Sunday, October 01, 2006

Happy to not be pregnant...

Some observations thus far:

1. Ever-changing multi-colored poops are the funniest things ever. I've found a whole new level of nasty bathroom humor.

2. If you put a baby in a swing too soon after they've eaten, spit up might shoot out of both nostrils.

3. If you pull on a cord that has been previously spliced because you don't want to bend over, there will be fire and a loud popping sound. The power will go out and you will think about how there is a row of staples across your abdomen.

4. Pregnancy causes a lot of fluid. After you have the baby, it flees to your ankles and feet and sets up camp. It's very attractive.

5. Breast pumps are simultaneously the best invention ever and the most humbling product on the market. It helps if you make mourning mooing noises while you pump off your plentiful dairy.

6. Tell people that the stuff in the containers in the fridge is not coffee creamer.

7. If a baby cries and a beagle howls at the exact same time, it gets really noisy.

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