Back to School!

I really thought that since I'm not going back to school this year, I wouldn't be adversely affected by the BACK TO SCHOOL! extravaganza that seems to alter the marketing strategies of everything from groceries to car sales. I was mistaken.

Despite the fact that when school commences this year, I plan to be floating in The Best Raft Ever in a leisurely manner through a warm-watered Texas summer pool, I still get a stomach ache whenever I see or hear a back to school ad. I feel sad when people talk about only have a few more weeks of summer left.

Growing up, my dad would torment us with these back to school sightings in a manner not unlike the guy skipping through the aisles of the store in the Staples commercial. He would get a look of manic glee in his eyes and howl, "Back to school! Back to school! It's time for you boys to go back to school!" I think that's where it all began. You'd think I'd be more troubled at being continuously called a boy, but really the back to school part is what drove me crazy. That's what I plan to tell my therapist, anyway.

I just don't understand why back to school sales have to start immediately following the Fourth of July. I mean, up north, kids have only been out of school for maybe a week! Maybe they don't start this hoopla so early there. I don't know. The only thing worse is that once school finally does start in August around here, the Halloween decorations will come out. So, that's fun, right?

Main point: Why do I still feel sort of sick to my stomach when I hear the phrase Back to School? I'm kind of excited not to be going back. I think this is residual childhood scarring.