Tuesday, January 31, 2006

Telephones Totally Gross Me Out

First of all, I am completely repulsed by ear wax. This repulsion is truly where the problem originates. Over dinner the other night, a friend and I were appalled to find out that our husbands thought blood was grosser than ear wax. I'm unclear how on earth this is possible, but they were quite adament in defending their stance. The ear wax discussion began when we shared the story my mother in law told us about her first grade teacher who taught the children to smear their own ear wax onto their lips when suffering from chapped lips in winter.
[pause while writer gags]
I find nothing fouler than glancing into a child's ear and seeing six months of ear wax build-up caking the confines of their visible inner ear. The worst? When there's a little booger of ear wax hanging as a dingleberry on a tiny bit of ear hair. I find myself unable to deal with any words which they might say after I make this discovery. Which leads me to the phone quandry.
In my classroom, we have a phone. The kids can use it and often answer it for me. My official "operator" (class job) is the student with the nicest phone manners and the cleanest ears. Clearly.
Unfortunately, I am not able to sanction my phone use only by those with clean ears. Every time I see a grubby ear or a lice kid or a sweaty non-hair washer or a grease monkey press that phone up into their ear, I throw up in my mouth just a little. Then I say a prayer of thanks for my often ornery thick hair which will always protect me from all things nasty on the phone. Have you ever imagined what is probably down in those little holes masquerading as a speaker? Have you? Those holes are the lint trap of sickening filth is what they are.
So what's grosser? Ear wax or blood?

1 comment:

Jim said...

Blood.