Tips From The Pig

After going to Target on the last Saturday before the Christmas weekend, I have a list of suggestions I'd like to put out there.

1. Do not go to Target this week. You must have some very dire, valid reason for putting yourself through this bedlam in order to go to Target. If you left your Christmas shopping to the last minute, then slap a smile on your face and accept your fate. Make the experience something enjoyable. You can always laugh later.

2. Use your manners and a touch of common sense. I am a very friendly stranger. Friends and family sometimes might say a little too friendly of a stranger. I still think that this is better that being a freakin' rude jerkface like most of the fellow shoppers I encountered at Target today. Following, find some sub-rules:
2a. Do not stand around and talk in the middle of the aisle, particularly not the main aisle.
2b. When someone is coming toward you in an aisle, kindly steer your cart to your side.
2c. If another shopper has been waiting on the friendly salesman, wait behind them. Don't bumrush the salesman. Your time is no more important than anyone else's.
2d. The words thank you, excuse me, I'm sorry, and you're welcome go a long way. Try them out.

3. Smile. Tis the season, and all. If someone makes eye contact with you, intentionally or otherwise, smile at them. And gosh darn it, if they smile at you, smile back! This does not have to be an unpleasant experience.

4. Train your children. I know it's Christmas, and yes, they are excited, but this is no reason for them to race up and down crowded aisles with you screaming at them. If by chance, they crash into my cart and feign a wound, please don't glare at me as though that is my fault. An apology wouldn't hurt either. If you can't train your children, then get a tether.

5. Treat employees with kindness. The lines are going to be very, very, very long. This phenomenon should be completely expected, as you waited until the last minute. It is not in any way the fault of the poor cashier. Do you think they want their line to be long? Do you think they want to be ringing up people's last minute Christmas shopping on their Saturday afternoon? I can assure you that they probably do not. I've always heard that you can judge a person by how they treat waitstaff. I think that philosophy applies to any service personnel. Thank them and smile. Ask them how they're doing. This is not flirting, despite what some of my more standoffish friends seem to think.

6. For gosh sakes, put your cart in the cart corral! I had to steer two carts back to the corral out of fear that they would hit my car if I left them there. Plus, it's a nice thing to do. I believe in karma. Think about it.