Monday, November 28, 2005

"Where you gonna put a tree that size, Griswold?"

Ah, decorating. Tis the season to be merry. ("That's my name!" Name that movie reference!) It's especially challenging when you have a beagle. I recommend getting creative with your gifts. Wrap them with pretty bows and they double as decor. Gifts cannot be placed traditionally under the tree in a beagle household, oh no no no...they must be elevated for safe keeping. Hidden from view and bound by large ribbons, the presents stand a higher chance of actually making it to their intended recipient without having to be rewrapped, tethered, or rigged before the big day. So, height is key.

It is also very very important to place any gifts containing any type of food product at at least a four to six foot height. It doesn't matter how well you think it's wrapped or sealed, they will find it. Trust me. Well, me and my grandfather's peanut goodies that Gus enjoyed two years ago. It is also important to assess the Shockability of your beagle. Mine? Seems to be pretty tough since he has chewed through the bottom third of the lights on our Christmas tree. This results in our "rigging" said [pre-lit] tree with additional strands of lights to disguise the fact that it's maimed. It's really classy, I gotta tell you. And of course, never place anything breakable or edible (even if you think it's not edible) within any range of the beagle. That should take care of tips for beagle owners. Now onto bigger and better things.

My superfun ornaments! I'm going to share only a couple of my favorites. We will begin with Harley the Horrid. He's a beer guzzlin' rabble rouser who needs his own space on my tree. There's only a few ornaments who can really hold their own around Harley. He's even scrapped with Gus a time or two. I think he's a real firecracker. I hang him mighty close to LuLu to keep him in line. LuLu's one of those girls you don't want to wake up next to in the morning. I picked her up at the beach one year, someone's idea of a wonky craft, but I think she's the true spirit of Christmas. A dried up fish puffed up into a bird with jiggly eyes and a pokey-out tail? Come on, what more could you want?

Ho, ho, ho! That's just a taste of the beauts on my tree this year. I'd like to think that my ornament collection rivals my tacky pen collection. The trick is that I can pull off a darned classy looking Christmas tree with all of the tacky goodness blended right in. Now that's decorating talent. The trick is to keep Gus away from the glory of it. It has been scientifically proven that a beagle can wreck six hours of Christmas decorating in 7.8 seconds. Not something to fool around with, my friends.

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