Thursday, November 03, 2005

Skid Marks

I'd like to begin today with a couple of statements:

1. My foot caused me to have curly hair today.

2. My day began with my car skidding on a dirty diaper whilst I parked. I do not know how poo continues to haunt me.

I'd like to state for the record that your day can only get better when your front left tire skids a bit on a dirty apparently poopy diaper which someone conveniently left in your parking spot. I can honestly say that my anti-lock brakes have never kicked in until they struck dookie today. Who knew?

I was already having a bit of a rough morning what with my hair situation. I finally attributed my stiff neck to the three weeks of walking at uneven heights as none of my shoes is level with my Jimmy. When one has a pretty wicked case of scoliosis to begin with, one ought not mess with irregular shoe heights. It's like laughing my crooked back in the face. I found myself in the shower, unable to rinse the shampoo out of my hair without holding my head with my hands for support. This was when I decided that the hair dryer/curling iron/straightening war that I fight with my hair each morning wasn't going to happen today. So you can clearly see why my foot made my hair curly. This would not be a big hairy (heh) deal in any other profession.

Except for teaching fourth graders. "Where's Mrs?!" "It's her!" "What happened to your hair?!" "Did you go to the barbershop?" "Hey, where's Mrs?" "Duh, that's her, she got a perm." "Did you braid your hair and sleep in it?" "Hey, Mrs, did you go and get a hair do?" Et cetera.

When we finished the wonderment that was my hair, we soon had another hair situation. One of our tutors called me over to tell me that there were white bugs crawling on the head of one of my students. I sighed and emailed the nurse. (Remember it was just yesterday I was frustrated with the nurse). Eeeek! We have a sighting of some creepy crawlies on a head in my room. Can I send her down? Sounds like time for a lice check! Thanks! I emailed because I knew she would receive it promptly since she so diligently sends the entire staff copious forwards each day. She wrote back and told me she'd come down and check a few of them as not to embarrass her. Great...we'll infest a few more kids while we wait. I relayed the message to the tutor who was properly appalled and went down to tell her herself. That was at 9:30am. At 3:00pm I passed her in the office and asked if it was in fact lice on the child. "Ooops! I totally forgot to do that! Can you send her up?" My mouth fell open. Now I itch from head to toe. I think my arm hair may even have lice.

But it was the mid-class afternoon announcement that really completed my day of doo. "BOYS AND GIRLS! LISTEN CAREFULLY!" Long pause. We all stared intently at the loud speaker. "STUDENTS AND TEACHERS, THIS IS EXTREMELY IMPORTANT. I NEED YOU TO FOLLOW THESE DIRECTIONS TO THE LETTER...." Long pause. My students and I raised our eyebrows with interest. There must be an intruder in the school. I began to flip through my lock down procedures that I hadn't reviewed since last year. I could tell that this was either a terrorist or we were going to have to evacuate. The tone was that of certain death or tragedy. "LISTEN CAREFULLY.....NO ONE IN THE SCHOOL....IS TO FLUSH.....A......TOILET! REPEATING....DO NOT FLUSH A TOILET." Click.

The corners of my mouth began to twitch as I tried to restrain my laughter. My class looked at me, their faces question marks of confusion. "Well," I began casually, "I bet that's not what you expected her to say!" They burst into laughter and we had a jolly good laugh for a few minutes. It really made a nice break in the day. I love, love, love that fourth graders appreciate good bathroom humor as much as I do. Hee!

Closing remarks:

1. Pen of the day:

2. Extra credit if you can tell me what tomorrow is!! Go! Comment!

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