Pimp My Child

Am getting old.

Didn't really know this until I spent all day yesterday at Six Flags. I love, love, loved going on the rollercoasters and all that stuff, but I have decided for future reference that I am far too cheap and old to spend too much time there.

Let's start with the cheap part. With an internet discount, you can get into the place for their Fright Fest for $29.99 a person. After you are inside the park, you find out that this does not include admission to the haunted houses, but you can pay by the house OR purchase a pass that allows entrance to all of them for a mere $15 per person. Let's pretend we are a family of four. With discounts, we have just paid $90 to get into the park and $60 to get into the haunted houses. The kids will probably want to ride some rides, right? Well, we waited in line for the Batman rollercoaster for TWO HOURS. It seems that in order to actually get to ride more than 4 rollercoasters during your day at Six Flags, you must purchase the Q-Bot Fast Pass, a little gizmo which holds your place in line and beeps you when it's your turn. This can be yours for only $11 per person. Add $44 to that family's total. Don't forget about food! The wee ones will have to eat at least 4 times. You can buy a medium sized Coke for only $3.73 or you can purchase the plastic souvenir mega-mug for $7.99 and get $1 refills all day! Let's just say that with kids you could definitely spend well over $200 in a day at Six Flags. I would like to state for the record that my kids are going to be the only kids in school who have never been to Six Flags and who aren't allowed to play video games. Bygones.

Now, about the old part. That place is entirely too loud. In an apparent effort to make up for my legal blindness, my body compensates with unbelievably fabulous hearing. Everything hurts my ears. Also, while I enjoy the rides tremendously, the two hour wait? No longer worth it to me. But the worst thing there, I have to say, is the kids.

When I go to a public place like Six Flags, it helps me to understand why my students are the way they are. I see child after child getting whatever they ask for. I see children talking to their parents like they are dogs. I see completely out of control children putting people in danger and behaving in a manner that would have prompted my parents to slap me back to last Tuesday. These kids parents just watch on idly, sometimes not even looking. Are they embarrassed? Oblivious? The cause for the downfall of our society? I'd like to think so.

Which brings me to my next point: Children's clothing. When did children become advertising bill boards of all that is obscene and provocative? Personally, I think it began with the "Make 7....Up Yours" t-shirts a few years ago. I think all of the graphic t-shirts are a lot of fun myself. However. I don't think that children below the age of 13 should be wearing shirt that say things like:

I like to be very hands on.

Porn Star

Yes, they're real.

Good Rear

Weapons of Mass Seduction

That's just a little sampling of some shirts that I gawked at openly yesterday. GAWKED. We're talking young little girls here. Though the boys weren't much better. I'll leave you with the one that shocked me the most. A little boy (seven or eight years old) was walking in front of us with his dad and brother wearing a shirt which read If you can read this then the Hooters girl fell off.

Am getting very, very old.