Monday, August 29, 2005

Grody to the Max

It's a shame that I was grossnasty sick today and didn't have much of a sense of humor. I'm in that stage of a cold where I, the possessor of said cold, am particularly foul. As in crusty nose and choky cough foul. As in, wiped the nose so many times that it's not only red, but overuse has created a SnotZit just below the nostril. A SnotZit which seems to refill and heave with new life whenever I blow my nose again.

Blowing the nose is treacherous on the makeup. I went to the bathroom around....wait a minute. I don't think I went to the bathroom today. My Sudafed must be dehydrating me to the point that the two bottles of water didn't make it through me. So, I must have looked in the mirror not in the bathroom, but via a clandestine peek into the compact after I erupted SnotZit for the second time. Right. That was it because a little darling told me my face was bleeding. Silly me.

I tried to poke and prod and apply pressure, just as the magazines say, but to no avail. That's how I came to be Big Chief Bleeding Face teaching a mini-lesson in writing to the class across the hall. This would, of course, be the first time I've taught this bunch of kids and I look like some kind of leprosy-ridden snot machine with a kleenex stuck to her face. And kids aren't so good with the subtleties. Also, there were two of my colleagues watching me teach this lesson during this, my time of little pride and much mucus.

So I taught. We brainstormed ideas for the Best Day I Ever Had, the remnant of an old writing test prompt.

Me: So tell me. What would make a day stand out for you? What would make it your best day ever?

Kid #1: Are you sick?

Me: Yes! So this is obviously not my best day ever. What would make it my best day?

Kid #2: Well, you got a boyfriend?

Me: No, no I don't...who can think of another idea? [colleagues snickering into hands, probably questioning the sanctity of my marriage]

Kid #2: 'Cause if you had a boyfriend, he might not care what you look like.

Me: [Staring at kid. Was he serious?]

Kid #2: You pretty! You just don't feel good today. Tha's all. You have your best day maybe tomorrow.

Me: Uhhhh....

So, I think he meant well. It's more amusing to me now than it was in the moment. We eventually established my best day to be somewhere at an amusement park on a big rollercoaster and not, in fact, right here at school with a Kleenex adhered to my face. I'm certain I made a great impression on those kids. I'd love to be a fly on the wall when they go home tonight and tell their parents what they learned today.

For the record, I'm taking tomorrow off. I procured my favorite old lady/retired teacher type and left thorough lesson plans and copious thanks. Then I have to go back to school for Open House tomorrow night. Joy of all joys...


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