Thursday, August 25, 2005

Diarrhea of the Mouth

Well, I've managed to get some more SpEd time for Rocky, so this week has allowed me at last to get to know some of my other munchkins. I've got a kid who insists on being called Mr. Owens instead of by his first name. He writes it on all of his papers and draws an arrow pointing to it which on the other side indicates his real name followed by the words "as you insist on calling me." I found another little ding dong who instead of copying the assignment from the screen, just write random words that she finds on the walls in various places on the worksheet. I have a set of twins who are apparently deaf to the sound of their own names, but jump when they hear the word "snack" mentioned in class. I have approximately 47 crickets dwelling somewhere in my classroom who like to sing during quiet times, but only leap out from under cabinets while I'm trying to teach. I've had to impose a Cricket Chasing Tax into my checkbook behavior management system. If the weather doesn't cool off to below healthy breathing levels soon, my sanity is going to be destroyed by the evils of indoor recess. At any given time in class, I can give a direction verbally, write it on the board, and perform it in interpretive dance and there will always be 6-8 students who have no idea what to do and no idea how to remedy that situation. I dream at night about practicing walking in the hall in a quiet fourth grade line. Once my students in my dream finally get it right, giant crickets leap from behind doors and undermine all of my efforts. There is a teacher on my hall who insists on fouling our bathroom each morning with her morning poo who refuses to use the air sanitizer I so generously provided. Despite several clues, our sleuthing has not yet led us to the Phantom Stinker. I apologize for the stream of random thoughts, but while I'm at it I thought you'd like to know that I got obliterated in tennis last night, but I won tonight. I am far too tired to think about paragraphs, but I am looking forward to watching our sprinklers water the kids who stand in our driveway at their bus stop tomorrow morning. It's the small things that count.

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