Monday, April 18, 2005

Whining and Babies and Bandaids, Oh My!

Have you ever noticed that on the days you most need exercise, it rains? My aversion to gyms makes me dependent on the weather for my exercise needs. I'm supposed to have a tennis match tonight - which I desperately need after my day with the crazy people - but it's windy and threatening to rain. The crazy adults of today were compounded by the onslaught of crazy kids. Crazy kids who have TAKS tomorrow and Wednesday and don't know how to express their obvious anxiety in any other way than:

1. Acting like they're five years old:

"Mrs! [emphatic whine] I need heeeellllllp with this te-est!"
Though they were able to answer 5 question AR tests just fine Friday, today they were suddenly inept. Odd.

2. Showing people that they think they're five years old:

Plunk! [ten year old sits in my lap]
Me: What are you doing?
Kid: [smile, lean, baby talk] I don't kno-ow!
Me: Get off....honey. [gentle shove]

3. Regressing in language skills:

Kid: Me can't find book!
Me: [stare]
Kid: Book go bye bye!
Me: [glare, plus eyebrow]
Kid: Help find book?
Me: [withering glance over shoulder as leave]

4. Being completely repulsive:

Kid: Mrs! He's putting his used bandaid in my face!
Me: Sick! [lean toward Bandaid Boy] Stop it, that's gross.
BB: Look! My scab came off!

5. Being waaaay too panicked and emotional:

Kid: Mrs! I have to go to the library! [darty eyes, flushed face]
Me: You can go. [smile]
Kid: But I left my library card at home and the librarian said if I did it again I couldn't get out books and I'm not going to pay two dollars for a new one because I know I have it at home I just can't remember and I need books because my goals are due today and I still have to take a test and I'm going to fail!
Me: Breathe. [I put a green dot on her hand.] There, that's your reminder to bring your card tomorrow.
Kid: But my parents don't let me write on my hands and I still don't have any books and I don't know how I'm going to get any todaaaaaay! [Stares at dot]
Me: Breathe. I promise the librarian will let you get books. Just show her your dot.
Kid: But she won't know what it's for and what if she doesn't believe me?

Etc. (This one really went on for a while before I convinced her that she wasn't going to fail, get grounded or get yelled at.)

Do you see what this crazy test does to these kids?? They're out of their minds today! Oh, and two threw up. This over the top Texas testing is really great for kids, huh? They might have ulcers, act like they're five, and have random, unexplained nausea, but don't you worry! There's No Child Left Behind here! (snicker)

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