"We Licked Our Hands"

Just to state for the record: Kids are gnarly critters. Nasty, vulgar, foul vermin. I like ‘em a whole bunch, but BOY are they gross.

Last night, I played in a kickball game for charity that our school does every year. It raised over $500 for Relay for Life, which was pretty cool. The teachers play against the 5th grade. It’s a ton of fun and the kids love to see us make fools of ourselves.

My highlight was catching the fly ball of my favorite kid from last year, the kid who used to antagonize me during our Friday recess kickball games for not being able to catch a “hard ball.” Caught his! It was great! One of my proudest moments for sure. I gloated like a champ. I think I’m going to mention it to him every day until he departs for middle school. My stats included a triple which I kicked so far past 3rd base that the kids had to climb up in some playground equipment to get it, a single, and I caught 3 fly balls for 3 outs. Yeah! I rock! I love stuff like that. All merry and rosy and feel-good so far, right?

Well, at the end of the game, we did the traditional “good game…good game…good game…” high five line. The kids were polite, they smiled, even laughed while we congratulated one another! What good sports! I was so proud. We got all the way through the line and the last kid in the line was proudly reporting one last game stat to each teacher he slapped hands with: “We licked our hands…we licked our hands…we licked our hands…” The fifth grade howled with laughter. We stood uncomfortably and tried not to touch our hands.

Is that not sick? What on earth would make an entire 125 kid grade level PLAN such a weird plot? Why?!

...I guess it would’ve been funny if I had done it.