Monday, March 21, 2005

My favorite forward ever.

Have you heard about the next planned "Survivor" show?

Three businessmen and three businesswomen will be dropped into an elementary school classroom for 6 weeks. Each business person will be provided with a copy of his/her school district's curriculum, and a class of 28 students.

Each class will have five learning-disabled children, two with ADD, one with ADHD, one gifted child, and two who speak limited English. Three will have severe behavior problems.
Each business person must complete lesson plans at least 3 days in advance with annotations for curriculum objectives and modify, organize, or create materials accordingly. They will be required to teach students, handle misconduct, implement technology, document attendance, write referrals, correct homework, make bulletin boards, compute grades, complete report cards, document benchmarks, communicate with parents, and arrange parent conferences. They must also supervise recess and monitor the hallways. In addition, they will complete drills for fire, tornadoes, and shooting attacks.

They must attend workshops, (100 hours), faculty meetings, union meetings, and curriculum development meetings. They must also tutor those students who are behind and strive to get their 2 non-English speaking children proficient enough to take the end of year tests. Sick or having a bad day? They must not let it show.

Each day they must incorporate reading, writing, math, science, and social studies into the program. They must maintain discipline and provide an educationally stimulating environment at all times.

The business people will only have access to the golf course on the weekends, but on their new salary they will not be able to afford it anyway. There will be no access to vendors who want to take them out to lunch, and lunch will be limited to 20 minutes. On days when they do not have duty, the business people will be permitted to use the staff restroom as long as another survival candidate is supervising their class. They will be provided with 5 43-minute planning periods per week. If the copier is operable, they may make copies of necessary materials at this time. The business people must continually advance their education on their own time and pay for this advanced training themselves. This can be accomplished by moonlighting at a second job or marrying someone with money.

The winner will be allowed to return to his or her job.


wanda said...

This would definitely make a great reality show. It would certainly let the general public know what a teacher's life is like.

jenny said...

no reality-show is this real, sounds too true to be true!

uh-oh.. ;)

i'm really looking forward to when i, in about a year, will have my degree and start working as a teacher. with both fear and joy i might add. :)
how is it in the states, do you get paid vacation when the schools are closed? we do, and i so look forward to having nine weeks off each summer. nine wonderful weeks :)

callieischatty said...

Don't forget that one of the students will throw up on their shoes, and two more will pee on the toilet seat.
After two days the businessmen will be so ill (from having caught what the kid who threw up had) that they will turn bright green but have to work anyhow since they get in huge trouble when they call in sick.
Lets not forget to mention three of the kids get lice from the St Patricks day hat that Meagan O'Reilly brought in forcing the entire classroom to need 'debugging'.
In addition, one Zoroastrian Family from Bhupal files a formal complaint with the school board against them for even having a St Patricks Day party since this is favoritism to Christians and a violation of the Constitutional Ammendment against Church and State.
Three children come to school with no breakfast each day and since the business worked to cancel the state subsidized breakfast program for poor families now they are teachers they will be unable to see hungry kids each day and will have to buy breakfast foods for the kids with their own meagar salary.
This stuff goes on top of what the teacher spends for school supplies for poor kids, and other bulliton board items as well as all art supplies since that budget has been cut thanks to the businessmen as well.
No more gym or music classes, so the business teachers have to include those items as well
I could go on, but haha I have to get back to work!

callieischatty said...

Oh lets not forget that if this is in an urban school district four of the kids will speak Spanish, three will speak Farsi, and there will be around ten others who speak languages ranging from Arabic, to dialects of Hmong in Thailand. None of them will be given individual instruction in English since this budget has also been cut. Instruction must be indivualized to meet the learning needs of each student in the class. The class will then be tested at the end of the term to see that standards are met ( standards haveing been set by business people who have never been to a public school in their lives and who send their kids to private schools that cost 15k per year)

In addition, in every class there will be at least one child who comes to school with bruises, black eyes and other signs of abuse and neglect. Any mention of this to Child Protective services will either be ignored or met with a law suit against the teacher/ business person for slander and defamation of charector.

Dree said...

Don't forget: they must start class on time each day, regardless of the 7 children who haven't yet arrived. They must assess children in a variety of ways, including, but not limited to: oral assessments, group projects, standardized tests, teacher-made tests, home assignments, and seatwork. They must work individually with each student at least twice a week to discuss child's writing projects and and hear child read, to ensure that said child is performing on level.

Classic forward. I love it!

GuusjeM said...

Don't forget that you will have an average of new child per week, who as the year progresses will have attended 4 or 5 schools prior to landing in your classroom. Said child has no plans to make friends or fit in since he know's he'll be moving when the complex in the next attendance zone has a $99 move in special. Any attempt to contact said child's parents will be in vain since they have no land line and their pre-paid cell phone is out of minutes and they are out of money.

Eddie said...

I empathize. Oh boy, do I empathize. Now that's a tough situation you're in, Sport.

peacefulwoman76 said...

I am for the show. However, I believe a much more satisfying experience would be to have community leaders actually spend one week in a classroom setting. Shadowing the teacher. 6 weeks would be incredible, but I feel a dream for each teacher out there.

We must remember that despite our moanings, most of us would never quit. The students are much more important to us.