Tuesday, March 22, 2005

Collarbone Calamity

I cannot stand for someone to touch my collarbones. Or the back of my bellybutton or an individual toe. But especially the collarbones. It just gives me severe skeeves. I would rather rake my fingernails down a blackboard or chew foil that even touch my own collarbones. It's likely that I have really filthy collarbones because I would never intentionally touch them. But the mere thought of someone else coming within even feet of my collarbones is vile, horrid, nasty, offensive, disgusting and...and....just horribly unpleasant.
Today I went for a massage because I haven't had one in 3 months and I am supposed to have them for "maintenance" so that I don't have to undergo that foul trigger point injection again.
My massage therapist is a nice lady. Often shares a little too much information, but generally an interesting, Phoebe-esque person. Today? Today the woman manhandled my left collarbone. Mistreated. Abused. Took advantage of my left collarbone. As in she took her finger, pressed it to the top of it, and pushed. Hard. Then she raked said finger down my collarbone while I squirmed in agony. Writhed.
Learning moment: It turns out that there's some muscles attached to that wretched little bone that are related to my neck troubles. She might as well have just stuck her finger into the back of my bellybutton and squirrelled it around. Or grabbed onto one toe and held on.
I can't even fathom what it would be like to break a collarbone. I think I would die. I would at least have to be placed into a medically induced coma for 6 weeks so that it would heal and I would be none the wiser.
I might need therapy after today. She touched my collarbone. Shudder.

10 comments:

katielady said...

I don't understand. It's just a collarbone. Doesn't Mike ever touch it when he hugs you? Or anyone, for that matter? I'm touching my own right now and it's not doing a thing. I don't get it....

Pigs said...

No. No one touches it. And stop touching yours.

Anna said...

I totally understand. It's not a collarbone with me, but my ankles. Too bad I have to go to physical therapy and they touch my ankles all the time. Ugh. *cringe*

But I have issues with body parts in general. Belly buttons, feet, and ears all sort of bother me. Maybe we could go to therapy together??

Eddie said...

Yeah, I'm like that with my bellybutton too. Shudder.

trn219 said...

The "back" of your bellybutton? That's a new term for me!

FunkyB said...

Okay, while I've never heard of anyone having issues with their collarbone, once you used bellybutton probing to put it into perspective, I see your point.

Still, I happen to think collarbones are sexy... not that anyone has ever molested mine, but I do enjoy seeing them on half-naked men... that and the dip below the waistband of their athletic shorts... mmmmmm....

Anne said...

I'm glad to see I'm not alone on the bellybutton thing. Don't even go near mine, I can't stand it. If I read about someone touching one in a "love scene" I just wig out.

Anonymous said...

For Annie:

As his hand slid further down my belly, his fingers stopped momentarily for a quick visit to the back of my belly button. It was not hard to reach the back of my belly button as I am an Outie. I giggled as he firmly caressed my belly button. I grabbed his hair and pulled his full lips to mine. Then ... (well, this is a family blog, so suffice it to say that his left hand lingered just long enough at my belly button that I forgot that his right hand was molesting my left collarbone.)

Anne said...

Anonymous:

Be glad my hubby doesn't know who you are - I'll be shuddering for weeks if he strays even near it!

Mad Hatter said...

where is the back of your belly button? seriously, i know where the front is. and i'm with you on this one ginny. i absolutely abhor anyone touching my belly button. i'm squirming right now. eek. i always thought i was the only one...