Monday, January 03, 2005

Welcome Back

Now, that's what I call good censing. I consider you all censed, although I suspect there's some wimps out there who are afraid to 'fess up. I call them noncensors. Hee! Off with their heads! Even that nice man down in Ocean Isle (lucky dog!) got himself censed and he doesn't even know me. [However, he is a former shagger and should check my parents out, because they are the true shaggers. I just tag along so I can go to the beach and try not to look too foolish.]

So, today I went back to school. I feel as though I have been flogged with a cane. Going back the first day is the worst. The kids seem to have forgotten all the rules that I spent 5 long months training them in so tediously. My morning class was okay because they were sleepy, but here was my afternoon class as I passed out their homework and tried to get things put away in the appropriate folders (these would be the same folders we've been using all year, there is nothing new and surprising here)

Me: Okay, guys, put your writing passage in the writing section of your notebook and your homework in your homework folder.

Attention-Starved Kid: Which one's our notebook?

Me: [scathing glare, level one] Your binder? The one you used all year? [eye roll at kid, quick glance at hallway to check for administration to avoid getting fired for eye roll/sarcasm combo]

3 apparently deaf kids in unison: Do we put it in reading or writing?

Me: [grit teeth] Is it a reading or a writing assignment? [clench arm rests]

Smart Mouth: Well it's writing, but you have to read to do it! [titters with laughter] [no one else laughs because they are smarter than he is.]

Me: [scathing glare, level three - Code Red! Code Red! Step away from the teacher!]

Smart Mouth ducks head and begins filing papers obediently. I relax a smidgen and peer around the room. My gifted-to-the-point-of-insanity kid was balancing each end of the spine of his book (Captain Underpants and the Big, Bad Battle of the Bionic Booger Boy, Part 1: The Night of the Nasty Nostril Nuggets) on the tips of his fingers when he tumbled from his chair in an effort to keep the book balanced. Clearly, balancing his snot book was more critical that anything I had to say or anyone's opinion of him as he crashed out of his chair and onto the floor. He looked genuinely shocked to find himself there. I watched him for a moment with amusement and then I let this sad display of not listening the first time and having to ask ten bagillion questions go on for about ten minutes before I alerted them to the fact that we would be making all of this time up during their recess since I hadn't actually started teaching yet and we were still enjoying their fun time. I smiled sweetly and crossed my hands over one knee and began to rock gently...I had all day! I wanted them to enjoy their time. Really.

Kid who thought he was hilariously funny 3 minutes ago: I forgot how weird she was in two weeks. We're NEVER gonna get to go outside.

But suddenly, everyone was ready to learn. Who knew? So I'll be "weird" all I have to be if that gets the job done. So there. Pbbbbbbbbbbbbt!

1 comment:

GuusjeM said...

Do you hate Captain Underpants as much as I do? The kids won't read anything else......