Tuesday, January 18, 2005

Dear Leg Hair,

We need to talk. I want to again commend you on your award-winning growth performance and gently remind you that this is not a competition. And if it was, you've already won. I submit. *waving white flag* In fact, you are the eternal reigning champion. There is no need to continue competing, we all revere your remarkable abilities.
Though you frequently hear me express praise for Gus the Beagle's soft fur, I do not actually want any for myself. Especially not that which curls like a man's hair. I can simply put on a coat if I am chilled. I must also repeat to you that Saturday is the winter schedule leg shaving day. We will not be shifting to the semi-spring capri length daily shave until at least March. So if you are able to just hold off until then, that would be great.
Now, a few reminders. First, when I do shave on Saturdays and I inevitably sneeze as soon as I am finished, that is in no way a summons alarm for all of you to stand up and salute. This action completely eradicates my purpose in shaving.
Second, when I use a razor to shave you off, I am in no way trying to personally offend you. Therefore, please stop diving back down into the skin and forming an irritated red bump. This is a very unattractive way to pout.
Third, I am VERY aware that you are present. There is no need to hang yourself on my pants or hose or tights to declare your existence. This hurts and causes me to leap about like a fool in a way that I cannot explain in a professional situation. Then I am forced to come up with some silly excuse such as a charley horse. People already think me odd, there is no reason for you to exacerbate the situation.
So, in closing, I am thankful for your efforts, but I am granting you some paid leave. Any help you can give me would be gratefully accepted. I promise that if I ever find myself in a sub-zero survival situation, you will be the first one I call upon.
Thanks again,
Your host,
Ginny

12 comments:

Dex said...

Sounds like you are ready to take more drastic measures, and embrace the sting of wax (on your legs) or laser (on your wallet). For what it's worth, the few people I know who've gone the laser route sing its praises.

Best of luck....

wanda said...

Have you tried shaving more than once a week in the winter? It really doesn't take that much extra time and the benefits are many.

Eddie said...

I hear ya, Ginny! I hate when leg hair gets caught on my hose.

And Scott, I waaaay prefer shaving to waxing and I can't afford laser treatment. Why don't you wax your beard?

Katie said...

Why does Mom always say that shaving "doesn't take that much time"?! Oh wait- this is the woman who's precious time is not rushed to get to work in the mornings! (Love you Mom!) ;) Thank goodness for pants in the winter!

katielady said...

I, too, shave on Saturday morning. And no, it doesn't take that long, it's just my favorite thing to do if I'm covering my legs up anyway. One of the perks of being married, you don't have to shave on the off chance that some new person might see your legs! (Sorry Joel!)

Anonymous said...

The hairs must all be conspiring today. Mine were so itchy that I had to shave this morning even though it's not my day, then I cut a big ol' jagged line on my ankle. I hate shaving.

(found your blog on blog explosion, in case you are wondering. . I have blogrolled you now b/c you seem to be cool)

Carrie (www.queenoframbles.com)

Anonymous said...

Ok. I am laughing my ass off.

And hubby says you are rad. He especially enjoyed the "unattractive way to pout" part. Secretly, he may be pleased to know that other women have these issues and it is not just me! He says, "Sometimes, I think you grow leg hair AT me."

Perhaps.

- hipteacher

Fej said...

I'm so glad I only have to shave my face. I only wear nylons over my head every now and then but, yeah pain...

birdwoman said...

OK, now can you give the stupid hair (or should I say feather) that keeps growing on my neck an anti-pep talk? I'm about ready to name the darned thing.

(*)>

wanda said...

I think I know your problem. You have little Mustafas and Mahfudhas growing on your legs. You should let them grow to their full length and see if they are the same.

wanda said...

Katie Bonk...I have you know I shaved EVERY single day when I worked. I was able to shave, wash/dry hair, dress and eat breakfast in 55 minutes and was able to leave at 7:00 AM to get to school by 7:20. I does not take that long to shave. I don't know how you can stand to look at hairy legs. I think it's gross, especially on me.

Brandy said...

Hello. I was surfing Blog Explosion when your site came up. Just wanted to leave a comment and tell you this was a very funny post. I laughed throughout the whole thing.


May I know all too well where you're coming from here...LOL.

Brandy ( http://lady4jesus.lifewithchrist.org )