Wednesday, January 26, 2005


Bell rings. Day commences. Gaggle of youth rush through door(way) (okay, big space in wall posing as a doorway) (okay, massive void directly into hall). Brace for oncoming traffic and...

Student #1: Mrs. R! Mrs. R! Guess what? I got my first pimple! [jabbed finger aggressively at white head beneath nose] Look!

Me: Wow! It's like you're a teenager now! [She beamed proudly and strutted away with her zit and her purse - a true sign of teenage-ness]

Student #2: [FreakyWeird!Kid from the other day] My molars? In my mouth? They's like a heartbeat... [feels face]

Me: Mmmmmhmmmm.

Student #3: [hugs me with excitement] I got a fortune! Read it! Read it! It says, "You will be suc-suc-suc-cessful in all that you do." I'm gonna start collecting 'em! Isn't it awesome? They’re small.

Me: Mmmmmmmhmmmmm! [Think to self: Bless your little heart and your little 72 IQ. At least you're too dumb to know. You'll be suc-suc-something, I'm sure.]

Student #2/FWK: I think my mouth is bleeding...these molars? [Pats face]

Student #4, who has been listening: I collect cow bones.

Me: [Ya freak!?] Cool! How unique! Have you unpacked?

Student #3: Guess what else? Everybody in my family has the flu but me! [Grins proudly, heads to me for another hug. I pulled a duck and turn and spun her towards the line. Washed hands.]

Colleague rushed in, thrust a chicken-scratched note into my hand and said, "Deal with this please." I read it. Dear (William), We think you are cute! WHAT A MAN! We as in two girls. We're not telling! Love, ? and ?
Oh joy. I squinted at the handwriting, trying to place a face with the style. I narrowed it down to two possibilities. I called them over and waited expectantly while I stared at them, note in my hand. Their eyes darted toward the note and "My mom already knows!" one blurted. "Did I mention your mom?" I asked. "Oh. No. Well....I didn't write it," she changed gears lamely. "Write what?" I asked innocently. "That note to William," she gave me an innocent look. "How did you know it was to William?" I smiled. Their faces fell. "We'll talk about this later. Go unpack." They slumped away, sulking and muttering under their breaths.
Chronically disorganized disaster (CDD) of a student walked in. "Hey buddy!" I called. "Do you have everything you need for today?" He nodded enthusiastically, flopping to the floor to get in line for music. "Got your pencil?" He stood up and headed back to his locker.

Student #5: Drop it like it's hot...drop it like it's hot...

Student #6: I think I'm gonna throw up... [inexplicably moved closer to me.]

Me: Step off! Bathroom! Move! Now! Get! Clear a path! [Shoo him away, wash hands]

Student #5: Drop it like it's hot...

CDD returned. "Got your homework folder?" I reminded. He slapped himself on the forehead, grinned, and returned to locker.

Student # 6: I threw up. [groans and wipes tears from eyes]

Me: Did you make it to a toilet? [first things first]

Student #6: Mostly... he groaned miserably. [okay, details I didn't need] Sent child to nurse with other child. Washed hands again.

Student #5: Drop it like it's hot...drop it like it's hot...

The rest of the students walked in, one still wearing his bicycle helmet. I knocked on it and smiled at him. "Planning to crash?" I asked. "Aw! I always forget!" He removed chin strap and headed back to locker just as CDD walked back in with his math book. "This is language arts," I reminded him with a smile. "I know!" he said. I pointed to his math book. "Oh! Duh!" he grinned and headed back.

Student #2/FWK: Can I go to the nurse? About my molars? [He pointed to his cheeks in case I missed his earlier gestures of pain]

Me: You just got here and your molars are fine. Go get in line.

Student #5: Drop it like it's hot... [what might have been attempt at dance move]

Student #2/FWK: But they hurt! Owwwww.... [rubs face]

Me: No, they don't. Go get in line. Go! [wave him away]

Suddenly in a flurry of motion, many 4th grade girls entered, waving letters in my face, apparently for me. I felt the drama move through the room. "These are all our witness letters about what TIARA did to us! We are WITNESSES! We wrote it all down so you'll know what really happened." All five had hand-on-hip attitude stances. Clearly, they'd been very, very wronged by Tiara. I assured them that I would peruse their witness letters and give the state of affairs my full attention while they were in music. I encouraged them to get in line.
CDD returned and triumphantly sat in line. "Do you have everything now?" I asked. He nodded proudly. I gazed at his white gym sock. "Where is your shoe?" I asked pointedly. He looked at his foot as though it didn't belong to him, then turned back to me. "Your shoe? It was on your foot? Looks a lot like the one on your other foot?" I prodded. He nodded gravely. He understood that his shoe was missing. He began to look around him on the floor as though it may have wandered off.
The announcements began. Honor the Texas Flag. I pledge allegiance to thee, Texas, one and indivisible. We pledged and saluted and had our minute of silence. The line began to meander out of the room, off to music class. I felt a look of bliss take over my face. All be-pimpled, molared, half-shod, helmeted, non-vomiting, and somewhat happy. Leaving the room. I had found my happy place. Fifteen minutes done and behind me, only six hours and 45 minutes to go.


Pratt said...

Great the beagle pup pics. wonderful writing!

Mad Hatter said...

I don't mind if you link to my blog. I was actually going to link your blog to mine because I love reading your blog. I think our classrooms sounds similar. lol.
About my post, yes--I'm saying that if Perry allots money solely by test scores, then struggling schools will, once again, fall short. And, I believe, these are schools that need extra funds and resources. I also found it insulting that he called teachers at schools with low TAKS scores mediocre. I'd like him to walk a mile in our shoes (or even spend 1 period).

Meredith said...

Hold up. You pledge allegiance to the Texas flag? And you have a moment of silence in school? Whoa. Texas is a strange place. :)

Eddie said...

I like the Drop it Like It's Hot Kid. I love watching little kids attempt dance moves.

DavRaptor said...

I am a blog Clicker like yourself. I have
started clicking on the ads on the sites I visit
and hope you will also. If e1 does we all
benefit. Thanks...David...Dave's Movie News

trn219 said...

Steph, it makes me think of the "shake ya ass" kid in "About a Boy"!!!

Anonymous said...

What a great post! It reminds me of the day I had, only I was working with first graders so there were no pimples or letters of witness. If only there was something as quiet as a letter of witness. Hope the rest of the day went ok!

Carrie (

Sapphire's Soul said...

ROFLMAO! I could see this in my head, in great detail. The only thing my twisted mind added was background music - something along the line of banjos and mooing cows....

Come visit me again sometime!

Ginger, the homeschooler from Night Owl's Nest

K. Sapper said...

Just to let you know that I've really enjoyed reading your blog--very clever and well-written! Thanks!