Tuesday, December 07, 2004

Today.

Um...not sure where to start here. Must. Share. Story.
Today we were giving our eighty millionth district mandated assessment, a quiet time at the zoo, when Freak!Child came up to me and motioned the need to whisper into my ear. I was somewhat bored, being the test giver and all, so I obliged, leaning forward to receive this [clearly] riveting news update. What I heard shocked me. And I'm hard to shock. The transcript of the earnest whispering is recorded below:

"Mrs. R., you know when you sometimes go to the bathroom and you sometimes don't wipe so good and-"
  • Pause here. Why does she think I would be familiar with this situation? Should I tell her that I actually pride myself on being quite a gifted wiper? At times even being accused of wasting toilet paper by someone who shall not be named? (dad, 7th grade)

"then sometimes you know how you can get those bubbles? Well, when I got-"

  • WHOA! Bubbles? I am not familiar with bubbles. I am however extremely troubled that this conversation has gone this far. Would you ever go to your teacher with this information? Seriously?

"back from the bathroom just now I realized that I had some of those bubbles and then I didn't really think about it until I sat down and then one of them popped, you know-"

  • Heh. If you know me at all, you must realize that at this point it was all I could do not to just DIE laughing. I love bathroom humor dearly, but rarely does it get whispered directly into my ear. I maintained a somewhat bemused expression and focused on a spot on the floor.

"and so now....what should I do?"

  • She leaned away from my ear and stared into my eyes. I stared back, just to make sure she was serious and then quietly suggested that perhaps she return to the restroom and take care of her situation. Then I laughed. Quietly. By myself.

Now, this is gross and troubling enough by itself, but what we teachers actually spent our entire 25 minute lunch period discussing was what the heck kind of bubbles was she talking about?


10 comments:

Anonymous said...

Okay, is this stuff made up? I mean seriously? I wouldn't tell my doctor if I had unexplained bubbles erupting from my ass, much less my fourth-grade teacher. Unbelievable.
Mike

Meredith said...

You have the best stories. I'm dying here I'm laughing so hard!

Katie said...

Wow. That's really nasty. I wonder if that's linked to the dollar draft special you're offering....

katielady said...

I'm with Mike, are you SURE you're not making this up? It's almost too incredible to NOT be true. What I really wish was that I was in Allen with you having dollar margaritas that would squirt out of my nose when you told me that story in person! Miss you!

katielady said...

Do they REALLY call you Mrs. R?

Pigs said...

They don't actually call me Mrs. R, I just thought maybe I shouldn't put my last name on here. Then when a parent find it and freaks out, I'm good. :o)
I should have the right to vent about their children. I don't use their real names. I protect the innocent and the weird.

Anonymous said...

"Should I tell her that I actually pride myself on being quite a gifted wiper? At times even being accused of wasting toilet paper by someone who shall not be named? (dad, 7th grade)"

I resemble that remark! Earl

Anonymous said...

This is the same man who told his 2 daughters (whose hair was practically down to their waists) to only use a dime-sized dollup of shampoo when washing their hair...

Sparkle said...

I am glad to hear that I am not the only Gifted Wiper on this Earth. MY father thinks I use too much toilet paper. I don't think there is such a thing. I merely NEED to be CLEAN. Ew, when I think about people not using as much....

And I use quite a good amount of shampoo, for I have oily hair.

Anonymous said...

Oh. Jesus.

-hipteacher