Monday, November 29, 2004

New Job

Does anyone know the job I'm looking for? Returning to work today after a week off was something of a beating. I will describe my ideal job below:
  • Should involve mostly working with men. Women are crazy and catty. They take too much time talking about stuff instead of just doing it. And worrying about people's feelings. Very time consuming.
  • Ought to involve flexible hours. Ones in which I could, say, shop during off-peak hours or visit a pool.
  • Should involve administrators, if necessary, who know what they're talking about. For instance, perhaps people who have done my job before.
  • Should NOT involve putting bandaids on people. This is gross and unsanitary.
  • Should NOT involve mountains of paperwork which are just shuffled around and do not serve actual purpose.
  • Must involve sizeable paycheck. One not dependent on tax payers' money or bonds or the like.
  • Should be a job that does not mandate me to watch the Bloodbourne Pathogens video or the United Way video each year. (and donate money under threat of peer pressure and public exposure)
  • Must involve option to eat lunch. Away from desk. With adults. And real food. For more than 25 minutes so that one does not have to talk with mouth full in order to eat and converse during break.
  • If tutoring or extra tasks, such as working a shift at ChickFilA or an art festival or a kickball game, are involved, I should be compensated for said tasks.
  • Must have summer break and full Christmas (2 week) holiday.
  • Would like to request use of restroom facilities when necessary. And preferably ones without possible contamination by fecal bandit. [refer to bloodbourne pathogens video]

So, what's that job? Did I just describe stripping?


Eddie said...

Dunno about the stripping thing; seems to me the airborne pathogens would be a problem.

Meredith said...

Trust fund baby? I think that sounds like a pretty good job. You may even get your *own* pool and shopping mall!

Anonymous said...

If you take away the vacation requirement, you pretty much described the job I had out of college. Do you remember me being particularly happy right out of college?


Kristen said...

Get a boob job, dye your hair platinum blond, get a job at the local gentleman’s club, schmooze with the rich oil men, pose for play boy, marry some 96 year old man (with heart problems), convince him to put you in his will... You live in Texas... It could happen!!!!

katielady said...

Working in a male-dominated field DOES have it's perks. But then again, it'd be nice to have someone, ANYONE, comment on how cute I look today! And that almost NEVER comes out of a guy's mouth. Must rely on women for said complement.

When you find this kick-ass job, remember the little people like your good friend Katie and pass along a recommendation for me to work there too!