Dorms, Bungholes, and War

Recently, a friend said to me that they assumed I was an introvert. After my head finished spinning around and the hyena laughing stopped, I realized they were serious. It would be hard to imagine myself as an introvert, but today, I think I'm going to give it a whirl. It seems that today is not the day for me to be around people. Any people. I'm done with people today. I'll let Piglet and Pigpen stay, but that's it.

I really thought today was Tuesday; I even checked the calendar to be sure. Alas, it's Wednesday, and if you aren't in the mood to listen to me complain then scram. (I channeled Oscar the Grouch there, did you pick up on that?)

A morning perusal of my inbox began the unnecessary escalation of my blood pressure. See, I collect rent and schedule rentals for our neighborhood clubhouse. It's a small, easy volunteer job that shouldn't be a big deal. BUT, there's a couple who fancies themselves the king and duchess of the subdivision or something and they are making me insane. All I have to do is put the checks in their mailbox. Simple, right? Except I'm not leaving $400 in their mailbox, not knowing if they're home. Hellooooo? It's FOUR HUNDRED DOLLARS. So, I email them. I email again. I try all four known email addresses to no avail. I call their home phone. I call their cell phones. I leave messages. I do everything short of setting myself on fire in their front yard and blowing on a bugle. Nothing. They are too good to respond.

Therefore, I started my non-Tuesday Tuesday by sending this email:

Hi Duchess and King,
I never heard back from you on my last email. I am putting checks in your mailbox today. I am not comfortable going around town with $400 of checks in my car. PLEASE let me know that you got this and the checks. We may have to come up with a new system to communicate because this is clearly not working. I'm assuming you're in town since there was a meeting last night and you sent an email.
Thanks,
Pauper Pigs

Today (six days after original contact was made), the Duchess emails me that she's home and will check the mail. Now was that so hard? Was that SO hard for someone who is a stay at home mom for her HIGH SCHOOL SOPHOMORE? Just wondering.

Then, THEN! After racing around doing the Preschool 500 to get the boys to school on time, I had to zip down to Atlanta to make our second 10:00 meeting to close on our house for our refinance. Yes, I said second. Because we had the same meeting scheduled yesterday and they called us just before the meeting to say they didn't have the necessary papers together yet. I'm sorry, what? You've had a week? You scheduled the meeting? So we RE-scheduled for today.

You won't be shocked to learn that they were not, in fact, ready today either. And we were there. In their office. We refused to leave and sat stubbornly while they "ten more minuted" us for AN HOUR until I had to leave. They never did get it together and said they would courier them to our house later. [Insert colorful expletive of your choice here.] [Add unnecessary punctuation: ?!?!?] Did I mention that they had the most annoying child-voiced receptionist? Did I tell you that she referred to herself in the third person as "The Diva" and has her first granddaughter due any moment now to her unwed daughter who has been living with her baby daddy for two years? Did I tell you she gave me way too much information?

Exasperated, I left without actually closing on my home and raced around town frantically finishing about half of the errands that I needed to get completed. Picked up the boys, got them to quiet time/nap and sat down to relax. Ten minutes later, I was nearly knocked out of my chair when someone tried to beat down my front door. Now, I have a sign which indicates "Please knock! Thanks!" because my kids are sleeping, the doorbell makes Gus lose his mind, etc. Apparently, as AMP politely suggested, I need to add some details to this sign. My new sign would be as follows:

Please knock, not in a manner indicative of structural demolition.    I would suggest a gentle "tap, tap tap". Your fist should not be engaged. Your goal is not to make my dog bark. Best, Pigs

Who was at the door, you ask? The lawyer from this morning's great debacle of a closing. He walked into my house without being invited and talked in a shouty man voice despite being told my children were sleeping. Rude. Rude, rude, rude. I don't get people today.

Usually, people are my favorite thing and I like to surround myself with them. Engage them in conversations. Shoot the breeze. If you need me today, on this Wednesday masquerading as a Tuesday, I'll be in my hole. Shaking my broom.