Saturday, November 27, 2010

Puke Rogue Grass Digging Amen Elf Cynicism Film Mysteries. Right?

Well, somehow I mistakenly fell ill with the stomach viral goodness that's easing its way around my house. Nothing says fun like stomach bugs before Thanksgiving. I managed to rally on Thursday and eat a plate of butter-laden, sugar-laced goodness, so it worked out okay, but I was for sure down for a whole day in case anyone missed me. (Say you missed me here.)

You know what happens when I'm down and out? Mr. Pigs gets sneaky about things around the house. I happened by the back door and heard a shovel scraping the driveway. A peek outside revealed Mr. Pigs DIGGING UP THE GRASS. I'm sorry, hi. Who does that? He went and dug up a long patch of grass in a spot where he no longer wishes there to be grass and I do wish there to be grass. Why didn't he ask me? Because he knew I'd say no, he said. Darn right. So one hilarious driveway argument later found Mr. Pigs grumbling to himself as he attempted to put the grass back. Cue many jokes from my dad about Mr. Pigs aerating the lawn. And I won't mention the two hour bathroom paint job that I said would take four hours that wound up taking five. When I was supposed to be decorating for Christmas. Whoops, just mentioned it. Okay, bitter hour is over.

In other Thanksgiving related news, my kids are kind of obsessed with saying the blessing, a rather strange thing to be obsessed with, right? I mean, clearly things could be worse, but it's quite a commitment they have. I must get a better video soon. Piglet announces that it's time, they clasp their little hands together and squeeze their eyes shut, Pigpen screwing his whole face up so he can still peek out while they bless. Piglet begins reciting the blessing, with Pigpen chiming in only on the capitalized words: God is GREAT, God is GOOD, Let us thank him for our FOOD. By his hands we all are FED, thank you for our daily BREAD-AMEN! The bread and the amen are rushed together in a race to get there first. And it's not an amen, it's a "Somebody give me an a-MEN!" Southern Baptist tent revival kind of amen. Makes me laugh.

We've also introduced the Elf of the Shelf for the season. His name is Simon. Is the SNL Simon song going through your head now? Because it's my chronic soundtrack now. I think having the elf checking up on your kids' behavior and reporting back to Santa is genius, however I didn't anticipate having quite such a cynical four year old. "He can't be real, he's just a toy." "He can't go tell Santa what I did because he's a stuffed elf." Sigh. So, I've had to really amp up the storytelling and the role of magic and the excitement of it all. I'm making tiny bits of progress. I did hear him scream from time out today after he bit Pigpen (???), "Don't tell Simon!!" so maybe he's starting to believe. My Santa days might be limited, and they've only begun. I think I've done a good job so far, but I'm going to have to keep it up every night to make a believer out of this one. So far, Simon has been found driving Pigpen's school bus:

And writing his name and a self-portrait? I totally would've bought this stuff as a kid. It's hard work parenting Piglet.

Therefore, I submit my request to you, the readers, for the 30 or so more ideas I need for antics of the elf to make Piglet a believer. Thanks in advance. You're such pals.

I will wrap up here by telling you that while I have written this post, I have engaged in supremely nerdy behavior. Mr. Pigs is away at the Clemson game for the night, so I spent the evening synchronizing my When Harry Met Sally DVD with my pal AMP's When Harry Met Sally DVD in New York. We did various spot checks on key dialogue to make sure we were still synched up throughout the viewing as we chatted on the IM. After thoroughly evaluating the film, we were left with one question we were unable to answer: Why, WHY, was is necessary for a couple to have separate phone lines on either side of their bed? Remember Marie and Jess each talking to Sally and Harry, respectively, at the same time? Is this some 80s/90s thing we don't remember? I'm flummoxed.

Could this post be more random? No, it could not.


leesepea said...

I think Simon the Elf is FANTASTIC.

Could Simon peek out of Piglet's backpack before leaving for school? Just a reminder that he's watching during the school day, too?

Also, RE: WHMS Marie/Jess and separate phone lines - maybe it was the last strand of independence, like, Marie holding onto her identity separate from them as a couple?  I don't know of anyone who had separate lines in their rooms, but then I was still in junior high when the movie came out and was just thrilled to have a phone line of my own.

Julie R. said...

We have had an elf named Gameron come to visit for the past few years.  From this website
He comes to stay with us a few days of vacation before Xmas after he has finished his work at the North Pole.  He goes back on the night of the 23rd to be back in time to help pack the sleigh.  He gets into lots of trouble when the kids are sleeping and they love it.  He has teepeed their rooms, messed up the toy room, slept in the freezer, had a snowball fight with cottonballs, gone in Wayne's office and made xerox copies of himself  stuff like that.  Since Gameron is really Jason's elf this year Gameron's little brother Newman is coming to visit as well. And when Gameron leaves he always leaves behind a xmas book and some candy canes to thank us for hosting him.  It is a fun tradition to start I think.  I hope your boys get into it.

Katie Barron said...

Agree with Leesepea on the phone reasons.  I just assumed it was what one did 'back in the day' to maintain a bit of independence, as they clearly didn't have cell phones.

LOVE the elf idea, might steal it.