Sunday, June 06, 2010

Georgia makes me ugly.

So, it turns out that I'm pretty darn allergic to Georgia. I'm also allergic to North Carolina, South Carolina and Kentucky if anyone is wanting to shade in Pigs' allergies on their play at home interactive map. Sadly, this year my allergies sort of took over my, um....self.

My gaspy wheezes led to my hacky cough which led to my eventual laryngitis. After 11 days of bronchial fun and games, I took myself to the doctor, using up a preschool morning of freedom to do so. (So you know it was serious.) Waiting the extra 30 minutes while the construction worker got his two fingers sewed back on gave me time to finish my latest trashy vampire novel and reminded me to be grateful that I was there for a cough, as my previous visit to this facility was when I sliced off the end of my finger with a potato slicer. Ahem.

Dr. Greeny McYoung'un was excited to see me with so many symptoms for him to diagnose. I somehow managed to leave the office with two diagnoses (asthmatic bronchitis and pink eye) and a mind-boggling array of medication. In my fist, I gripped a wad of prescriptions for a Z-pack, a steroid pack, a new inhaler, Xopenex for the nebulizer, eye drops, and cough syrup with codeine. It was like it was his first day with a prescription pad and his name stamp. Oh, and he gave me a massive steroid shot in the hip for good measure.

I will admit that I was feeling better in a day or two, but the darn symptoms are still not gone a week later. And? AND? He told me I had to wear my glasses for seven days. I haven't worn my glasses that much since I was in the sixth grade. I am legally, horribly, -10.5, special needs blind. My glasses have every bell and whistle you can pay for to make them smaller, lighter, and thinner, but the fact is that I look pretty special when I wear them. And I hate them.

However, wearing them for five straight days (I caved, that's all I could do. Pray I won't get eye rot from wearing contacts on Day 6) I've had time to re-mull all the things I hate about glasses.
  • Driving. You can't wear sunglasses, so it's all glare-y and bright. In a couple of desperate moments, I actually put my sunglasses atop my regular glasses. Oh, yes I did.
  • Peripheral vision. As in, I have none when I wear glasses. Can't look down, can't check to the side without a full head tilt or swivel. Nada.
  • The sweating, OH THE SWEATING. It's 90 degrees in Georgia. It's humid. It's gooey. My glasses are constantly sliding down my face.
  • The pool. My boys want to go to the pool every. Single. Day. And, frankly, so do I. It's the one place we're all happy. Except when I have to wear my glasses. In the pool. With children. I feel so cool meeting neighbors while I wipe the water off the front of my glasses. I might as well just stick my finger up my nose while I'm at it.
  • The shower. I have to wear my glasses in the shower to ensure that I use shampoo and conditioner in the right order and shave all the parts of each leg. Do you know what a pain it is to shower in glasses? I don't think I need to explain further.
  • The fog. I walked into the indoor pool at the YMCA for Piglet's swimming lesson the other day and my glasses immediately fogged up. After my heart-wrenching flashback to selling Girl Scout Cookies in Ohio in the dead of winter, my instinct was to whip off my glasses. BLIND! BLIND! Next to a body of water with two children and BLIND! Slapped them back on and began the nerd wipe again.
  • The staring. I know my glasses make me look like a freakshow, but people kind of openly stare at me. Not really strangers, but the people who know me by name or face who can't quite pinpoint what's wrong. It makes me uncomfortable and more awkward that usual, which is saying a lot.
  • The eyebrows. I'm not going to go into great detail here, but I will just say that if one possesses copious eyebrows and if one is legally blind, one really needs contacts to pluck properly. When one slides the glasses down the nose to access the brows, the vision goes. When one slides the glasses back up to reinstate vision, the brows are blocked. It's a lose, lose. Maybe that's why people are staring? I wonder if my eyebrows are hanging over the tops of my glasses already?
Alas. I am feeling 80% better (am still allergic to Georgia) and have my contacts back in place, desperately hoping not to contract the dreaded "eye rot" that Young Doc warned me about in which the pink eye bacteria eat holes in your cornea. I'm off to select a drug....will it be my inhaler or a nice cough syrup tonight? I suspense is killing me.


Mommy Belle said...

I hope the 5 days was long enough to get over the pink eye.  I actually got pink eye back in October while pregnant.  I went to the doctor to specifically get meds for that and learned he could give me nothing because I was pregnant!  It had to go away on its own, and I wear contacts, but I don't even own a pair of glasses.  Perhaps I should order them for that specific reason.  I went without them when I could, but I kept having to resort to the contacts when I drove.  Fortunately, it went away pretty fast, so hopefully you are good!

Nicole said...

I really need to see a picture of said glasses.

Aims said...

Glasses in the shower? How awful!!! Maybe you should just toss the glasses and get a cane. 

Pigs said...

Pigs said...

Yes, because giving the blind, uncoordinated accident-prone girl a stick to carry is a good idea...

watercat said...

I have glasses, and I can sympathize with all of those issues! I actually have a pair of prescription sunglasses to fix the driving glare.

I had a really bad experience with contacts a number of years ago and haven't gotten them since. I am seriously contemplating trying them again, for the convenience of better vision.

katielady said...

Oh goodness. While I am not ~that~ blind, just a -4.25 or so, it is still miserable to wear my glasses for days at a time.  I had some sort of infection or somethingorother a few months ago, in which I had to put drops in my eyes that prevented me from wearing contacts, and because my dr. thought they might be permanently damaging my eyes.  I bought some of those clip-on sunglasses because the drops ALSO made my eyes super-sensitive.  Lovely.

Glad you are better.  Now get thee to the pool!

Abbey said...

Ok, I admit. I am very behind on reading. But, OMG, I just had this eye glasses conversation with my sister and father who refuse to even consider contacts. I'm not trying to win them over to 'sticking things in my eye' but rather trying to understand how they put up with the hassle. I'd add: how does one work out with glasses (sweat and bouncing) and the freaking heat that builds up behind them. Seriously, my eyeballs sweat behind glasses!