Tuesday, February 26, 2008

Me Want Food!**

Girl Scout Cookies arrived today! Ah, sweet nectar. The once a year treat is anticipated for months until at last you get to tear into that box and sample the goods. Mr. Pigs apparently has a different philosophy on the cookies. He brought in four boxes: 2 Do-Si-Dos, 1 Samoa, and 1 Tagalong. I scooped up three boxes and began tearing into the ends. It was this action which began the debate.

Mr. Pigs: What are you doing?!

Me: Tasting the cookies!

Mr. Pigs: All of them?? At once?

Me: Of course. How else do you eat them....one box at a time?

Mr. Pigs: Uh, yeah?

I think this is weird. It seems to me that you can enjoy the spectrum of Girl Scout Cookies at one time, not just get through one box before quenching the urge for another kind. I like variety. Which is why in an hour or two, I'm certain I will be re-enjoying my array of Girl Scout delights with a big bowl of Neapolitan Breyer's Ice Cream.

Did I mention my weight gain? I'll just keep that to myself.

Mr. Pigs also mentioned that back when he was a bachelor type, he'd buy Girl Scout Cookies at work and that the box wouldn't make it home (15 minute commute) with any left in the box. What kind of self-control is that? I mean, they only come ONCE A YEAR. This is clearly a hoarding opportunity, not a wolf-down-the-whole-box situation.

Speaking of hoarding, I am extremely good at it. I've talked about this with certain other friends who suffer the same condition, and once it's out in the open, it's all good. It goes like this: If I'm in a restaurant and someone suggests sharing, say, an appetizer, I get completely paranoid that I'm not going to get my share. Now, if you have already had The Conversation with your friend and you are both admitted Hoarders, then it's easy: you pre-divide the food and no one gets hurt. But, if you're with a friend with whom you have not had the conversation, it's stressful. I don't know what I think is going to happen if I don't get my share of the ooey, gooey, melty Pizookie with runny ice cream on top, but it's probably something drastic. Mr. Pigs is not a hoarder by nature and has learned to move out of my way when I get food possessive. I don't know how he can remain all laid back about shared food. I must have some serious caveman instinct left in me.

When I was a kid, there is a slight chance that it may have come off looking a bit selfish. Okay, it looked bad, really bad. I used to sneak any form of snack cake, Ring Ding, Star Crunch, Twinkie, you name it, one at a time up to my room, where I would stash them stealthily into my yellow pencil box. When we would have opportunities to buy or receive candy, mine would outlast my sister's by months and months. In the annals of family history, there was a reserve of Easter M&M's that I had hoarded for a good while and I got wind that my sister might be after them. To solve this problem, I publicly sneezed and spit into the container, making them mine forevermore. It was not until the moment that the cake was brought out to all of my friends at my 13th birthday party that Katie and I realized that mom had missed that incident, as she had decorated my cake with a big number 13 made out of those very M&M's.

So, where does that leave us? I am a paranoid food hoarder who married a passive binge eater. I no longer hide food in my room, but I do get mad if Mr. Pigs eats the last one of something that I like. He's good to ask now before polishing something off. I will keep a careful eye on him for the remainder of Girl Scout Cookie season, as there is no way to know when his bingeful urges could return and run amok. I wonder which of us is higher on the crazy scale? I have a pretty good guess.

**Name that reference for two points.

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