I'm Gonna Kick Your Bottom!

Well, it seems like everyone in the blog world is writing about pee and poop today, and you know it's hard for me to resist that kind of temptation. This blog is finally an outlet for my bathroom humor. My mom used to tell me that I was never going to have a boyfriend if I didn't stop talking about the bathroom when I was little. She said I would surely outgrow it. She said she didn't know where I got this predilection for poo, that preference for pee, the fascination with....oh, wait. I'm not allowed to say that word.

Perhaps this ban on certain potty words is what triggered my interest in the subject. Perhaps my mom's overzealous efforts to make me a proper young lady backfired and sent me running willy nilly in an entire other direction! Perhaps....my mom was the catalyst for my bathroom humor. Now there's a concept.

I think she also indirectly triggered my creativity and I'll tell you why. My sister will back me up on this. When you aren't allowed to say, "Mom! Katie f@*ted!" you have to think on your feet for another word that will have the same delicious impact as the banned lexicon. The preferred parental substitute was "had gas." I don't know about you, but you are Dorko Numero Uno if you come out with that on the playground. We preferred: pooted, tooted, or let one rip. There were many others in the day, but somehow they've faded from memory. I recall something about car exhaust, but I can't...quite....seem to grasp it. Darn poor memory.

We were also not allowed to utter the "b" word. I'm writing this in past tense, but if you notice I am still not using the words because my mom reads this and would certainly chastise me a) for saying bad words and b) for doing it on a public forum. Then she'd start in on how she raised me better and it would become a gigantic headache. Anyway, we were supposed to say "bottom". Now, I did use that word when teaching and I do use it in regard to Piglet, but it's a pretty goofy sounding word. When teaching, I actually preferred such lines as, "Put what's in the air in the chair!" or the ever-simple, "Park it." But in our family, bottom, rear end, tush, and later bohonkus had to do. "Bottom" just doesn't have the same pizazz when you're in the moment....."Get out of my way or I'm going to kick your.....um, bottom. Thanks."

So now I feel at least partially included in the pee and poop discussion, as I have covered the basic gas and posterior nomenclature for you, my dear readers. Discuss.