Friday, June 15, 2007

Boonies 101

Um, y'all? I think I'm in the smallest most remote land in the country right now. I'm in a house. That house is surrounded by 40 acres of land. I can see a pond. There are a lot of birds. Waaaaaaaaaaaay down the road, there is another house. The owner of this house is called the "next door neighbor". There are two other neighbors if you journey down the dirt road at the end of the property.

This town settlement community place has no stoplights. There is one stop sign and(!) and blinking yellow caution light above it. Two towns over, there is a Wendy's. It's new and it put the Hardee's out of business. There is not a movie theater in the entire county. You have to drive an HOUR to get to a movie theater. An hour. I cannot imagine living here. It's hard to spend three days here.

This morning I thought I'd pass the time by going to the gym with my father in law. We drove through three towns and arrived twenty minutes later. I hopped on a treadmill and prepared to watch some Regis and Kelly whilst I took in a jog. The next thing I know, some man asks me if I'm Mr. Pigs' wife and starts telling me about his children. He had heard I would be in town. Never met the man in my life. He asked all about Piglet and Gus and wanted to know when we'd be moving back closer to home. Ten minutes into this conversation, in walks someone I know. There are eight people in this gym and somehow I know a quarter of them. Er...they know me. Whatever. It was very bizarre.

I don't think I'm cut out for small town life. It's 5:30 and I've already had my supper. Next we're going to go sit on the porch and watch the birds fly around. It's a good thing they invented satellite, because there's no cable here. Or city water. Just wells. Have I mentioned the septic tank? I've learned a lot on my visits out here. Tomorrow, I'm going to ride on a tractor around the property. Then Mr. Pigs and I are going out for our anniversary. We'll either have to talk to all the other people in the restaurant who know him, or we'll have to drive an hour to an actual town. Decisions, decisions.

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