Wednesday, May 02, 2007

Poop catchers and Jacuzzi bubbles.

Piglet and I attempted something new yesterday: a baby swim class. It was interesting, to say the least. I think it's hilarious that there's actually a "class" to tell you how to introduce your baby to water. Clearly, their marketing scheme works, as I signed up. I'm a sucker for something to go and do during the day. And this was cheap.

So, my friend and I roll up with our babies just as the class is starting. Putting down our bags, we stared at each other blankly. How do you take your clothes off when you are holding a baby? Where do you put the baby? Concrete floor? No, probably not. Next to the pool? Um, no. We quickly lunged into motion, my friend taking both babies for a moment while I stripped down, picked my wedgie, and shoved my stuff to the side, then me manhandling two babies in modified crotch holds while she did her version of this bizarre strip tease. I still wonder how the people who didn't come with a friend fared. Bygones.

I headed for the water. How do you get in the pool with a baby? My friend wisely headed to the other end of the pool for the zero entry option, while I bravely hopped into the 4 feet of water with Piglet firmly clasped in my Amazonian power grip. I didn't drop him or anything! Waaaahhhhhhh! Whoops. Hadn't anticipated that Piglet might be alarmed by cold water, as the bathtub was his only prior body of water experience. He quickly got over the temperature as he became completely enamored by these new surroundings.

I, too, get sick of the house and have to get out every single day, but Piglet gets tremendously excited in new surroundings. He is happy as a lark just look-look-looking at everything. So interested, in fact, that he didn't even seem to enjoy my hearty rendition of The Wheels on the Bus as we walked in circles in the water. Harumph. Clearly, the ceiling beam structures were much more fascinating. And the pool flags. And the waterslide. And the brick patterns.

When the class was about half over, my friend's baby had successfully kicked, floated, scooped, splashed, and bubbled. Mine? Had examined the ceiling's structural quality, assessed the color scheme of the sprayground, accidentally swallowed and choked on chlorine-laden water when his mouth dropped open in awe of the parallel window arrangements, and created a temporary, but impressive, jacuzzi bubble situation from the inner workings of his swim trunks. With ten minutes left in the class, it occurred to him that I was actually trying to entertain him and teach him new things and he appeased me by putting my friend's baby's toes in his mouth. This is what I paid good money for. It seems that Piglet's going to have to go in the slow learner swim group.

After class was over, we entered the Lazy River for a spin around the loop and then, only then! - did Piglet decide to kick. And kick he did! He kicked so hard and splashed so much that he actually took a nap for an hour and twenty minutes when we got home. [Note: If you are one of those people who has a baby who takes naps that are an hour or longer, I really don't want to hear about it. We're happy when we get a nice 45 minute jobbie.]

The main thing that I got out of this class was self-gratifying. I now know that I have not jumped off the fashion train entirely. I realize that I may temporarily be sitting in the sweat pants car at the back, but I am hanging on. We actually saw a woman - not an old woman, like someone my age - wearing high waisted mom pants. I'm not talking about the ones that are coming back in style (though I can't figure out why, they're hideous too), I'm talking straight-up acid washed, pleated MOM JEANS. And they were about, oh.....4 inches too short? This shortness revealed her white socks folded down and her brown slip on loafers. It was bad. Really, really bad. I felt downright trendy in my running pants and flip flops, I did.

Moral of the story: It may seem like a waste of money on the surface, but Piglet was entertained, even if not in the intended manner, and I got to do some good people watching.

Oh, and? I learned something new in this mommying business. Swim diapers? Not absorbant! They are just a catching device so poop doesn't go in the pool! If they pee in them, it runs out! Doesn't that make you want to swim with babies?! So never put a swim diaper on too early. They repel liquid, which is not typically what you want your diaper to do for you. Lesson over.

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